Tangled Choices
by Justine123
Summary: Slightly AU for season 3. Starts off after Jax tells Tara, "I'm done." How will these two find their way back together? Read to find out :D
1. Chapter 1: What Choice Did She Have?

Tangled Choices

She's a broken woman to say the least. The life she had wanted was taken away by the very same man she had embraced it for. "They are not your family!" She could use a stiff drink right about now; drown her anger and her broken heart. Instead she opts for Hershey's chocolate bar and the silence of her empty house. An envelope full of cash stares at her from the coffee table. She wanted to head over to Jax's and hand him the money herself. She didn't even now why she was helping him; well, even though Jax wasn't speaking to her, Abel still needed to be found. She sat for a long while; eating her chocolate and crying at just how empty she felt. Everything in the house felt cold and unwelcoming. Her mind begins to wander, Memories of her childhood we entwined within the walls of this house. Of course not all her memories were pleasant, but they were still hers. She remembers her father had this train set and the engine was gold with black, almost glittery trim. It wasn't all that pretty, but she loved it, especially when the steam escaped from the top. Tara had always wondered if it was real gold, but her father usually shrugged her off and headed to the bar for another night of drinking. That's how she got the large chunk of cash stuffed in the banker's envelope now sitting on the table; starring at her, daring her to pick it up and do something with it.

_She was livid. He just left her. She didn't know whether to scream, cry or throw up. The baby made he choice for her and she made it to the bathroom with a second to spare before the bile sloshed in her stomach and quickly rose into the waiting porcelain toilet. Her throat burned and the awful taste of acid lingered on her tongue. But nothing compared to the sting of tears and the broken heart he caused her. She dry heaved for the next 15 minutes before flushing and slamming the seat down and walking out. _

_Tara was stir-crazy. Pacing her living room up and down, up and down, she swore she was wearing the wooden floor down bit by bit. Anger made her body tense and her tears burn the sides of her face. She could barely breathe out her nose and her mouth was hot and dry. She literally wanted to kill him. She wanted to feel her fingers grip his neck. The stunning image made her drop to her knees and sob. He was a fucked up asshole, but he had a son somewhere on the other side of the world and deep down she knew he blamed her. If only he'd known the choices she had then. During her fit of pacing she remembered the club needing money to get to wherever Jimmy had Abel. _

_She headed to the basement where she kept some of her old mans' stuff and started to dig through the cardboard boxes. In the fourth box, she finds the entire train set and at the very bottom is the head car. It was coated with a thick layer of dust, but the gold seemed to shine through anyway. She took it to a pawn shop the following morning and the shop owner looked startled. "Lady, do you know how rare this model and make is?"_

"_I'm not really interested. It belonged to my father. He's dead." _

"_Well, alright. He continued to asses the intricate detail along the bottom of the engine car. The gold plate hadn't chipped over the years. Probably preserved by the dust bath it was in. None the less, the man offered her $45,000 for just the engine car. "If you've got the entire set, I know someone who will pay $100,000." Tara nearly choked. _

"_You're just screwing with me aren't you?"_

"_Lady, I asked you if you knew how rare this piece was. It was one of the first original train sets ever made by Gauge. It's in beautiful shape, but you'll get a better offer from a collector than you will from me. He's a few towns over. I'll let him now you're coming. True to the man's word, he gave her $100,000 in cash. If you saw the size of his house, that amount of money is probably what he uses daily. She took half and stuffed the other half in an envelope and tossed it on the coffee table in her living room._

Now it mocks her. She finishes her chocolate, grabs her keys and makes her way over to Jax's. Clay opens the door and points to the room in the back; Abel's room. He looks up from the rocking chair. Surprised of course. "You here to rip me about Ima?"

"I don't care anymore who you stick your dick in." He's startled by her crude tone and stoic face; emotionless except for the pink rimming the edges of her eyes. But he can't blame her, he doesn't have the right. She tosses the envelope into his lap. "There's enough there to get you all there and back and even extra in case who need information. OR have to bail your asses out of trouble." She turns when he opens the envelope.

"I can't take this Tara. It's too much."

"I'm not giving it to you. I'm giving it to Abel." He grabs her wrist before she can make it out the door.

"Why?" That was what broke the thin glass box she kept her range inside. She roughly pulls her hand from his grip and uses the flat of her palm to connect with the side of his cheek. The rage boils up and her face goes a deep shade of crimson. "How dare you ask me that! You think you're the only one who lost a son that night! You think you're the only one in pain! Look around asshole, we all lost something that night; a son, a best friend, a little baby boy who was defenseless against what was happening to him! But you weren't there! You claim I'm not family, but I loved Abel as if I gave birth to him myself! I put him in your arms! I watched him get stronger and wiser! We were a family and you took that away from me! Just admit it! Admit it, you blame me! Just say it damn it!" The words were stuck to the roof of her mouth, skidding on her tongue and stumbling past her quivering lips. "You blame me for what happened to Abel." He said nothing, but for once in her life she saw guilt in those beautiful eyes, but she also saw disconnect. Her voice is just above that of a whisper, "You weren't there Jax. You weren't the one with the choice! Half Sack was bleeding out, dying on the kitchen floor. There were three other lives at stake!"

"With Half Sack dead, that only left you and Abel." He argues, sticking to his void, stubborn ways.

"How dense can you be Jax?" A look of questioning stumbles over his face, but it soon washes away. She waits. He doesn't answer.

"Fine, what a way to tell you this. I'm pregnant. And if I had thought for a second that I would be able to keep both our kids alive, I would have gladly begged Cameron to take me instead. I would have impaled my self on that knife, if I thought it would do any good. But I had two babies to think about. Cameron didn't want me. He wanted Abel, "A son for a son' is what he said. He thought Gemma killed his son, so he was going to take yours. Chalk this lovely mess up to Agent Stahl! Or don't. I don't give a shit anymore. Cameron might have killed all of us and you'd be left with nothing!" "Then again, you've made it clear I don't mean a damn thing to you. That we were never FAMILY!" The tears had spilled down her cheeks in rapid waves. She doesn't bother to swat them away. A few hang on her lashes. He says nothing but slowly brings the tips of his finger to wipe away the crocodile tears. "Congratulations Jax. I'm done too." She pushes away his hand and storms out of Abel's room, just in time to collapse on the living room floor; Clay at her side. She knew he heard. The bile sloshes in her stomach once again. "Make sure you bring Abel to see me when you all get home. It was nice being part of a family; at least for a little while." He helps her to her feet and envelopes her in his mighty arms. A kiss to the forehead later and she's out the door.

Clay turns to his son, "You're just going to let her walk out of your life?"

"You heard her, she's done." His nonchalance about the scene that just palyed out is the final straw on Clay's patience. He brings his fist to Jax's jaw. He stumbles backward, but Clay's hand reaches out and grabs him by the shirt collar.

"You really are an asshole! After everything you've done and said to her, she brings you money. She bears her soul to you. She tells you she's pregnant for Christ's sake and you let her leave. You let her think she has no family. You and Gemma really need to pull your heads out of your asses real quick. What choice did that woman have? Huh? Give up one child to save another. Give up an unborn child or watch Cameron walk out with Abel; unharmed? Tell me what choice sounds better to you; Abel alive, all we have to do is find him and kick the shit out of who ever has him, or coming home to see Half Sack, Tara and Abel's blood smeared all over the kitchen floor? Then finding out you lost two children that day. I'll be honest; I like the kicking ass scenario better, it's been a while since I crushed flesh with my fists. At least Abel and Tara are alive! Do you think your mother would have sacrificed your life to save Tommy's? Or do you think she left that decision up to God?" Clay's teeth grind against each other and the stiffness in his fingers force him to release Jax. But Jax soon turns into his fathers' arms… and cries. "That woman had given everything to you. And she had one awful choice to make. One that neither of us would have the balls to make."


	2. Chapter 2: The Choice between The Club

_Chapter 2: The Choice between "The Club" & Being a Doctor_

The monstrosity of charts and papers greets Tara at the nurses' station. A headache already threatens to add to her day. Her shoulders cave and she starts to pull her hair up on the way to change into her scrubs. Once she slides her arms into the white coat, she checks her nauseousness at the door, as well as she can anyway; and begins her rounds. Her first stop is Gemma's room. Tara's been stalling her stay at the hospital, but her excuses are running thin and Agent Stahl is sticking her pointed nose into her business; quite possibly questioning her professionalism as a doctor. _"There's a thin between being a doctor and being a part of "the club" and you're riding it pretty shakily Dr. Knowles."_ With her built up aggressions, frustrations and hormones, she was one breath away from putting a bullet between her eyes. But now, as she passes through ATF security and into Gemma's room, the gears are turning and a new plan is forming. "How are you feeling?"

"Apparently better than you look." Gemma gives her a wicked grin and slumps back against her pillows.

"Well, thanks." Tara checks her vitals and her temperature. "I don't know how much longer I can keep you here. Between Stahl and the staff, I don't have much to go on."

"I know. I got myself into this fucking shithole; I'll have to find my way out of it."

"I'll keep you here as long as I can. I promise." Tara's hand descends on the handle when a voice so fragile and delicate made its way to her.

"Thank you Tara, Clay told me about the other night. My son's fucked in the head for what he did. But please, give him time." It takes her a minute to realize the voice is coming from Gemma, the hard ass, take no prisoners, in you face woman. She sounds like a broken-hearted girl.

"I'm not going anywhere." Just as she pulls, someone pushes into Gemma's room. She tenses slightly but can't help rubbing a thumb across his jaw. She quickly pulls her hand away when she's realized her error, 'It's not my place anymore.' He watches as a fresh set of tears fill her already puffy eyes and he reaches for her, but she slams the door behind her. His hand falls against it.

"I love you son, but you really are an asshole."

"Yeah. So, I've hear. Now all you have to do is slap me or punch me in the face and it'll feel like Déjà vu." She turns his cheek towards her and survey's his jaw. It's swollen and a deep shade of purple.

"Clay?"

"And Tara. That woman's got a mean right hook, especially against the cheek."

"You look just as shitty as she does."

"I fucked up mom. I really, truly fucked up." She gives him her best, 'Duh, I already know that' look and his shoulder sways with a small laugh. "Of course you know what happened the other night. Clay can't keep shit from you."

"He can try. So, when do you leave?"

"Tonight, we leave tonight."

"Right now, you're going to promise me something. One, you bring Abel home. Two, when you get back you will get on your hands and knees gravel and beg Tara to forgive the shit you've pulled on her. Three, you tell me the truth; did you sleep with Ima Slut?"

"No, I didn't. I paid her to spend the night and make it look like we fucked. She tried real hard to make it real, but…"

"Well, I'll say it again; you are a world class asshole right now. But I get it, she gets it. But I don't make it hurt any less. You remember that. She lost Abel too. She was there when Half Sack died, she watched everything fall apart and still she sticks by you. Can't get anymore Old Lady than Tara."

"If I didn't know better, I would say you like her." She pushes air past her lips in a rush, as if to say 'Yeah, right.' But her face quickly sobers and she grabs Jax's hand.

"She's a daughter to me. She's also what's holding this family together."

Tara has already made two mad dashes to the bathroom, each time she's ended up dry heaving against the sink. Maybe three will be her lucky charm; ding, ding. She falls to her knees and grips the edge of the toilet. Her face goes flush shade of red and the burning against the back of her throat is the icing on this wonderful cake. When she feels her stomach settle slightly she turns her body to sit against the stall, the cold emanating from the floor soaks its way through her scrubs to cool her body down. She takes a few minutes for her self. No thinking of work, or Jax, Gemma or Stahl. No club, no hospital, no nausea, no thinking, just sitting, crying even. Tara's body begins to melt against the stall's door. She's about to disappear but two chatty nurses come gossiping their way into the bathroom, "Have you seen the new radiologist?" "Oh my God yes, he's soo gorgeous." "I know right. I think he has a thing for me." "How do you know?" "He, like, just gave me that look."

Tara pulls her self up from the floor, flushes and rolls her eyes at the irritating noise coming from the nurses' mouths. She washes up and quickly pushes past the petite red-heads now filling the bathroom with the latest breaking news on who's banging who in the supply room and who's cheating on her husband with the night janitor. She grabs the charts form earlier this morning and makes her way to the third floor her favorite place. The Pediatric ward; it's quiet, cheery, and no gossip queens for miles. She even spends some time with the kids during their chemo rounds; they let her color with them and she hangs the pictures on their hospital walls. She picks and empty room and pulls up two chairs and stretches out and tackles the pile of papers; one by one. Fours hours later, the charts are done and her pager is vibrating against her waist; '_1__st__ Floor, E.R'_ She heads to the first floor, drops the charts off with reception and makes her way to the ER. Of course she's not surprised to see Juice sitting on gurney, face bloody and the rest of the club standing near him with arms crossed, full scowls on their faces. She comes to stand next to Jax who can't help but brush his hand against hers. She doesn't flinch, but the way Juice's eye is gushing, she has work to do. "Whose fists did you fall into now?" She grabs a pair of gloves and doesn't wait for an answer.

"Work your magic doc." He hisses when she pushes the wound together.

"I'm going with 42 stitches. What do ya say Juice?"

"Ah, I say 45." She sets to work; cleaning, drying, disinfecting and numbing. She threads the needle and pushes through the skin above his eyebrow. She gets 43 cross stitches and pulls the entire wound closed and sets it with 44 stitches. He was closest. "I have to say Juice, you're my best patient. And most of my patients need a step stool to hop up on the gunnery. You can do it all by yourself, most times." The two share a laugh and she leaves to clock out. No double shift this time.

Before leaving the hospital, she sneaks into Gemma's room, still in her scrubs and coat. She gently puts her bag on the chair and sits on the bed. Gemma slowly opens her eyes, "Shouldn't you be home by now, and off your feet."

"I was just on my way, but I have something I want to tell you." She waits for Gemma to situate herself on the bed before starting again. "First things first." She pulls a silver key from her front pocket and unlocks the cuff holding her to the bed.

"Where the hell did that come from?"

"The napping guards outside the door. The one didn't even flinch when I went fishing in his front pocket for these."

"That's because he probably has nothing there to tease awake."

"True." She gets Gemma out of bed and into the small bathroom without setting off the alarms. Once settled back in bed, Tara grabs her hand and holds onto it, "What if there's a way to keep you here and buy us enough time to nail that bitch Stahl at her own game."

"I'd say you're nutty hormones are kicking in quick."

"Well, they're about to get nuttier. I simulate a heart attack, schedule you for immediate by-pass surgery and get you 2 months in a rehabilitation center and we have shove a gun up Stahl's bony ass and blow her black heart clear out."

"First of all, that's something Clay would say."

"That's because he did."

"And second, where the fuck did you come up with this?"

"Stahl needs to know that she fucked with the wrong family. This is her doing and that Abel has had to pay for her grudge against SAMCRO. So, I give you a small dose of Atropine, it will speed up your heart rate, making it seem like heart attack. I asses your condition and come to find you need surgery. I deal with Margaret and we get you a fake surgery and some time in rehab. Well technically my house, but your name will be in the system with daily checkups by me and Stahl hopefully won't suspect too much."

"Are you sure?"

"Stahl told me a little while back that, 'I'm riding a thin line between being a doctor and being part of the club. Well, it's time I show her which side I'm really on."

"Which is…"

"SAMCRO." When given the choice between "the club" and being a doctor, Tara's loyalties will always, always lie with SAMCRO!


	3. Chapter 3: The Choice to be Trapped

Chapter 3: The Choice to be trapped

"_I__can't escape walking down these halls__  
__Hard to find a place where there are no walls__  
__And no lines begging me to cross__  
__Only straight ahead better move along" Trapt_

Jax wakes up in unfamiliar territory. He stretches his arms out to the cold side of the bed. His fingers flex, hoping to draw her body close. The bed's empty, the room is empty, and his heart breaks all over again. He let his life slip away. He was so consumed with rage and revenge he wasn't able to see the light at the end of the tunnel; his family with Tara; the life they made together. He woke in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, everything that Tara said to him finally sunk in. She's **pregnant**, and he walked out on her. He didn't even acknowledge the fact that he was happy about it; because at the time, he didn't hear her. He wanted her gone; he wanted a better life for her. His brain screams, 'dumb-ass'. If she didn't love him, didn't want to be his family, his Old Lady, she would have left long ago, maybe never have even come back in the first place. He told her that God had given him a second chance when she came back; well what a way to spend that second chance, now having to ask fate for a third.

She was the one at the house that day, not him. She had the choice, and Clay was right, had it been him in her shoes, he wouldn't have had the balls to make the decision that kept everyone, well almost everyone alive. Tara took on that burden and he threw it her face. He remembers the last thing she said to him before he left for Ireland.

_He sat with his bike idling between his legs. The lights are on in the house and her car is parked in the driveway; she's home, alone. Because of him. Jax musters up enough strength to climb off his bike and tread the front steps carefully. His knuckles roughly rap against the door and Tara answers in her pj's and a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. She's never looked more vulnerable than right now. He wants to reach out and put his hand over their baby, but he holds back, he doesn't deserve that yet. But with the spoon dangling from her mouth, her hair piled on her head, and her eyes still slightly puffy, all he wants to do is take her to bed and erase the last week. But he can't. His stubbornness made damn sure of that. "Can I come in?" She swallows the mouth full of ice cream and hesitantly nods her head and moves to let him in. They sit on the couch, him on one side and her at the other; an empty space between them. "I don't know what to do or say to you. I failed to protect you, I failed in loving you and the only thing I know how to say is I'm sorry." She spoons another mouth full of ice cream into her mouth and offers him some; he wants her to have it instead. _

"_There in lies your first mistake. You didn't fail and you don't need to protect me Jax. I'm a big girl; I can handle that on my own. You think the club provides a danger to me; I could go for a walk tomorrow and get hit by a truck. Think you'll save me from that by not being in my life? Nothing is ever clear cut in life. But I chose to be with you. I know what the life of a biker entails. But you and SAMCRO are the good guys; albeit sometimes you veer off the good guy course. You can say sorry all you want, I'll forgive you but you can't just walk in here, say sorry and think it will fix everything. You have to go to Belfast and bring your son home first. We'll deal with the rest after."_

"_You'll still be here when I come home?"_

"_Where else would I be? But I'll tell you something right now, and I'm only telling you this once so it better stick in that thick skull of yours. If you ever deny that SAMCRO is my family or, that you and Abel aren't my family, I will rip your balls off and force feed them to you through a straw. Remember you told me that you'd help me find my place, well you did and then you ripped it away from me. You won't make that mistake again." Jax stands and pulls Tara into his arms. His lips brush a kiss to her forehead. Headlights shine into her living room and Tig pushes the horn. "I'm going to bring __**our**__ son home." _

"_Be careful. I love you."_

"_And I love you." The hardest part was letting her go again, but he had too, for Abel's sake. _

Although he and Tara are on speaking terms, he still vows to make it right with his Old Lady. He climbs out of bed and pulls open the shades. "Top o' the mornin' to you Belfast. We're coming for you Jimmy!" He snaps his leather vest around his neck and walks out into the bright sun of Belfast and into a hand shake with Clay. "You're mother called." He squints into the sun,

"Yeah?"

"Seems Tara's quite the uh…"

"Evil mistress boss." Juice pipes up, then hisses when his smile irritates the gash above his eye.

"What's he talking about?"

"Seems Tara's found a way to keep your mother out of jail."

"What?"

"Yea, she just called and asked if I can send two boys back home, she needs help kidnapping Agent Stahl. Seems she's skipping out on your plea deal you had with her, now she's after us for going on the lam; along with the previous charges. But, Tara had a plan before that; this little tidbit just added fuel to her burning fire."

"She's pregnant, she shouldn't be doing this."

"That's what I said."

"And?"

"She told me, 'that's why I'm asking you to send two boys home to help."

"When did my Old Lady become such…"

"An Old Lady boss?"

"Shut up Juice."

"Sorry man."

"Anyway, what exactly is her plan?" He runs a hand through his hair, worried for her safety and their baby, but deep down, proud as hell that she hasn't left. There's added hope for him yet. Juice gets excited as Clay begins to lay out Tara's intricate plan.

"Now this is quite the heist if you ask me. If she pulls this off, I will be forced to kiss her."

"You do that Juice, and I'll cut out your tongue."

"Eh news is…you ain't with her."

"Yeah, well, I plan to correct that." Opie comes to stand next to him and nudges him in the shoulder.

"It's about time you pulled that pretty little head out of your ass." A wind kicks up the dirt around them and they wait a moment before it dies down. Clay flexes his stiff fingers and crosses both arms. "As I was saying, Tara plans to simulate a heart attack on your mother, fake surgery and get her out of the hospital and into the custody of a rehab center. Stahl only drops in at the hospital once a week. The have four days to do this without her foiling the plan. Margret has been coerced into signing off that Gemma's surgery was approved and done and that she will need at least a month of rehab. Once Gemma's out of the hospital, she'll stay with Tara. Stahl will definitely start snooping around and that's when Tara plans to snatch her and keep her in the basement until she confesses to setting Gemma up for Edmond's murder. Once she confesses, to covering it up, most likely, all her stories will be questioned and hopefully dismissed."

"Wh-" Speechless. Jax is rendered utterly speechless. Where the hell did Tara go? What's he saying, when family is threatened; it brings out the momma bear in everyone. Especially Tara, who's learned from Gemma; although, even Gemma will have to bow down to her, when this is all over.

"Wow."

"Yea, and to think, after the way you treated her, she's still kicking ass for you."

"Juice, shut the fuck up. I get it. I'm a fucking idiot. I know. Now drop it." He looks to Clay, "Who's going back?"

"A bunch of them want in on this action. They all want a piece of Stahl to put on their bikes as an ornament, but I think I'm sending Tig and Juice. But, she's your Old Lady, you decide."

"Tig and Juice. She'll probably need someone for security set up and Tig can do any job she doesn't have the stomach for." Clay nods his agreement and straddles his bike. The formation starts. Jax pulls Tig and Juice aside, "If anything happens to her, I'll string you up by the balls and let you hang."

"You got it boss." Juice revs his bike engine.

"Hey, she pulled a slug from my shoulder without throwing up; I'll do anything she wants. And you, be careful, don't act stupid and I got in touch with Happy. He's coming to take my place. You know, in case you need to pull someone's finger nails off or torch their feet or-"

"I get it Tig. I get it." He shrugs and pats him on the back.

"Good luck brother. Bring that boy back."

The boys separate. Tig and Juice head for home. The rest head for Maureen Ashby. Jax fingers are lax against the key in his ignition. He pulls his phone from his back pocket and hits 1 on his speed dial. _"You've reached Tara Knowles, I'm unavailable at this time, so leave your name, number and message and I'll call back." _"I know about Stahl pulling our bail, thank you. Take care of my mom for me. Juice and Tig are on their way back. Put them to work and kick agent Stahl in the balls for me. We both know she has a pair. I love you Old Lady and if there was a way to tell you how proud I am that you refused to let me push you away, I would tell you, but I don't have the words. I'll just have to show you when I get home. I do have one thing to say, well maybe two. I didn't sleep with Ima. I just paid her to look like we did. And second… the way I feel about you hasn't changed. I'm in love with you. Always have been. I woke up this morning and everything sunk in. God, we're having a baby could have died, just like Half Sack and you were right, I would have lost everything. I'm not okay with that. I woke up this morning and the bed was cold and my fingers literally itched to hold you. I don't want to be trapped anymore. I don't want darkness to consume me. I want you in my arms and I want our children home, with us. I want to be your Old Man." He puts the phone back in his rear pocket and meets Clay's gaze. The two share a knowing nod and the roar of engines and the cloud of dust is all that they will leave behind in Ireland.


	4. Chapter 4: The Choice to Step Up or

Chapter 4: The Choice to Step Up or Back Down

Tara woke at three in the morning, insomnia taking the place of her previous deep slumber. Her feet are shocked by the cold of the wooden floor beneath her; put she shuffles into the bathroom to grab her robe. She raises the temperature on the AC, noticing that her body's already having trouble regulating its temperature. She just wants to crawl back into bed, but she'll just spend the rest of the night starring at the ceiling, and that doesn't appeal much to her. Tara leaves the bed unmade, in hopes of catching a nap later on.

She left the living room the way it was last night after Jax left. Now, the carton of ice cream melted over the coffee table, there are tissues on the floor; damn hormones and the TV buzzes with power. She makes herself a cup of coffee, decaf if any one asks and starts cleaning up.

Once the last of the ice cream is scrubbed over the table top, the sun is up and she's not as sleepy as she thought she'd be. Her shift doesn't start until tonight and there were a few things she wanted to get done before then. Like, for instance, cleaning up the interrogation room; sorry basement. Luckily for her, the banker boxes she used to pack up some of her dads stuff are plain and unmarked. That will come in handy. She finds her dad's old steel work chair he kept in the garage. It's full of black grease, but she won't be the one sitting on it. A knock at the door interrupts her and she opens it to find Juice and Tig, both with matching grins. "Hiya doll, we're ready. What do ya' need?" Let the games begin.

By the time the three of them move shit around in the basement and lay out a few plans, it's time for Tara to head to the hospital. "Say hi to Gemma for us."

"I will. Oh, and make sure no one sees you two. Stahl thinks you're all in Belfast, if she sees either of you, she'll know something's up. You can keep your bikes in the garage. And when I'm home, you can use me car."

"Got it. We have everything we need for now. Should we just call you if we need anything?"

"Of course. I can't answer my phone while working, but just leave a message. I'll pick up anything you need on my way home."

The bikes are rolled into the garage and Juice gets to work setting up two recorders somewhere in the basement, while Tig secures the chair into the floor. He rigs a pulley system that will lock her wrists together at the top, her ankles at the bottom and then connect in the middle. She ain't going anywhere! Tig looks for spackle and a scrapper and digs them out of an old red tool box. "What's that for?" Juice points to the small plastic jar.

"Cleaning up. The chair is screwed into the floor. It wasn't always like that. I'll have to fill in the holes when we're done. If I give you a paint chip from the floor, think you can find someone to match the color? The floor's faded, but it's white so I think it can be matched."

"Yeah, I know a guy. I'll give him a call now; have him come over." Tig's phone goes off and he fishes it out of his vest pocket. "It's Tara." The text reads- _If you need anything now, get it, Stahl's here. Looks like she's staying a while_. Juice calls his buddy and they finish up in the basement.

She brushes past the guard stationed at the door to Gemma's room. She can't fight the grin that spreads on her face. That big, tough guy that stands before her snores like a baby with a stuffed up nose and got pick-pocketed by a doctor who, really just patted him down, forcefully and he never flinched. He nods at her, like she needs permission to go into a patients' room. "Hey Gemma."

"Hey babe."

"Tig and Juice say 'hi.'"

"What are they…Oh, never mind."

"I figured we need some added man power."

"You're sneaky Dr. Knowles, very sneaky. Where has this side been hiding?"

"When a momma bear feels her babies are threatened, she goes into protective mode. This is me in protective mode."

"Well, I'd hate to be the hunter that crosses your path."

"Luckily for us, our target has no idea."

"Yeah, I heard she's been lurking around today."

"Yea, which is good. We can go through with everything tomorrow. When I leave to finish my rounds, wait about a half hour and take this." Tara hands her a small white pill. "It's a very, very small dose of Atropine. The elevated heart rate will last long enough for me to get here and get Stahl to walk right into our little trap. I'll give you a dose of saline, which is really just salt water used to hydrate the body and it won't affect you. When you feel your heart rate rising, it will feel like a panic attack. Ever have one of those?"

"Of course. I've had a few while Jax was a teenager."

"Ok, keep your head back, and just take deep breaths, don't hold your breath or you could pass out. Are you with me so far? You ok with this?"

"Yeah. I'm with you."

"Good." She leaves to make her rounds after giving Gemma a hug and a kiss on the forehead. Her motherly instincts are starting to come back. She flips her phone open to play back the message Jax left her extremely early this morning. It gives her an added boost of strength. He's in Ireland bringing Abel home, and she's home, keeping the family together for both of them to come back too. It's finally a fair trade. All she has to get through is walking Stahl right into the palm of her hand. She has one quick thing to do before she continues her rounds.

She runs to her locker and syncs her phone and her iPod with each other and sends Jax a song and a message. _"Listen to this song carefully. We used to listen to it all the time when we were sixteen. Think about the words and ask yourself if I'm worth it. If this is all worth it. Because I'm in love with you Jackson Teller and it's going to take me dying, before I give up on you, on us." _She downloads "What about love" (from Heart) and hits send. Either step up for your family or back down like a coward. It's the choice you make. Her locker door slams shut behind her.


	5. Chapter 5: The Choice Between Love &

Chapter 5: The Choice Between Love & Darkness

At a rest stop, Jax flips open his phone and finds a message from Tara. He quickly opens it and reads the message inside, "_Listen to this song carefully. We used to listen to it all the time when we were sixteen. Think about the words and ask yourself if I'm worth it. If this is all worth it. Because I'm in love with you Jackson Teller and it's going to take me dying, before I give up on you, on us." _The song begins and he closes his eyes and remembers the first time they listened to this song …

_"Hey Jax, you want go for a ride?" Sixteen year old Tara Knowles leans up against her dad's fairly new black Oldsmobile, Cutlass. The keys dangling from her dainty fingers. Her black skull t-shirt and ripped jeans make his groin stir and he shifts his pants to alleviate the tension._

"_Where you headed?"_

"_I don't know. The roads in this town can lead us anywhere we want them too."_

"_I'll be down in a second." When he closes the door behind him, He turns just in time to catch Tara as her limbs wrap around his entire body. _

"_Let's go for a ride." Her lips are soft against his cheek. And he can't help the slap he gives to her behind. "Watch those hands Teller. I don't want to give your neighbors a show." _

"_Oh, I'll watch them alright. I'll watch as they peel every inch of clothing from your body. I'll watch as they-"He's cut off by her mouth and tongue tangling with his own. _

"_Save those fresh thoughts for later." Once in the car he turns her face towards him and notices the swelling against her temple. "When did that happen?"_

"_Last night. Apparently his dinner was too hot." _

"_I swear Tara, I want to beat the living shit out of him."_

"_Yea, I know and I'd be more than happy to let you, but he's all that I have. If you beat him, he'll just take it out on me."_

"_He hasn't… you know… come into your room at night. Has he?" _

"_No, but I think it's only a matter of time before he does." Jax's knuckles stiffen into a tight fist. _

"_Jax, don't think about it. Let's just have tonight to ourselves. No MC, no talk of beating up my dad. Just you and me."_

"_Ok. Just you and me. Can I ask you how you got the car though."_

"_Dad's passed out on the front steps of Julian's pub. He won't even know it went missing. And if he does, I'll tell him to aim lower than my face."_

"_Tara-"_

"_Like I said just you and me." He shuts his mouth and watches as the beach comes into view. Tara pulls onto the sand and stops well before the waves begin rising up on the shore. They both get out and climb onto of the hood; the radio loud enough for both to hear. The late night DJ, 'DJ KNIGHTLY' cuts through the air. "And now, your number one requested song of the night, 'What about love'."_

" I've been lonely  
I've been waiting for you  
I'm pretending and that's all I can do  
The love I'm sending  
Ain't making it through to your heart  
You've been hiding, never letting it show  
Always trying to keep it under control  
You got it down and you're well  
On the way to the top  
But there's something that you forgot  
What about love  
Don't you want someone to care about you  
What about love  
Don't let it slip away  
What about love  
I only want to share it with you  
You might need it someday  
I can't tell you what you're feeling inside  
I can't sell you what you don't want to buy  
Something's missing and you got to  
Look back on your life  
You know something here just ain't right  
What about love  
Don't you want someone to care about you  
What about love  
Don't let it slip away  
What about love  
I only want to share it with you  
What about love  
Don't you want someone to care about you  
What about love  
Don't let it slip away  
What about love  
I only want to share it with you"

_Jax pulls Tara on top of him, "I'm in love with you Tara Knowles. Always have been and always will be. Will you be my Old Lady someday?" _

"_Always. No matter what Jackson Teller. You'll always be mine." Their hands roam over each other, trying to grab at buttons and tug down zippers. Headlights from a car blind them. Tara raises her chest and squints into the direction of the car. Her shirt is pulled off and her breasts are halfway hanging out of her bra. The wind whips at her hair and one of his hands is inside her jeans and the other is at her hip. "Tara Knowles and Jackson Teller, is that you?"_

"_No officer Unser." Tara thrusts her hip against him as he answers the irritated officer._

"_Are you really going to make me come down there and get you?"_

"_Why officer Unser, what seems to be the problem?" Jax snorts at her innocent voice all the while flashing Unser her breasts and if Jax had gotten his way before Officer Unser interrupted, her jeans would be around her ankles and considering she went commando, he'd be getting quite a show. Tara watches as he begins to descend onto the beach. "Shit Jax we gotta go!" Their laughter fills the air as they scramble into the car, sending sand flying as they flee. Jax is pulling up his jeans while helping Tara zip hers up. He sticks his head out the window and yells, "Maybe next time Unser! Maybe next time!" _

As Jax remembers that night, and the many others from then on, he realizes they made a promise to each other. Old Lady/Old Man always. Even then, Tara knew. She was probably more sure back then, then she was when she first came back to Charming. She's worth everything in his world. He types, "I hear you now, Tara. I won't let you slip away." He puts his phone back, straps on his helmet and smiles to himself. _'I'm sorry darkness, but I've chosen love.'_


	6. Chapter 6: Sometimes it's the Choice

**AN: **I did a lot of research for the next two chapters and I felt a little like a criminal. But I wanted things to be as accurate as I could get them and also have a little fun with it as well. I hope what goes down in the next two chapters doesn't seem to far-fetched. I figured since Tara is a doctor, she does know about medication and doses and everything like that. I did have a blast writing them though and I hope they don't come off too twisted.

Chapter 6: Sometimes it's the Choice between two Evils

Tara feels like she could sleep for days. She's been on duty for two days and is about ready to collapse from exhaustion. "Dr. Knowles." Her stomach lurches at the nagging baritone of Agent Stahl. She turns towards the woman and eyes her up and down. '_What could she possibly want now_?'

"How's our patient doing?"

"Excuse me. **Our** patient? Since when do you have a doctorate, and I don't mean in Bitchology."

"Well now, there's no need for that kind of tone. I was simply voicing my concerns."

"In order to have concerns, you'd need to have a heart."

"Fine. Then why don't you tell me what happened to Gemma earlier today."

"That's doctor, patient confidentiality. You don't need tp know. Other than being a nosy bitch." Tara pushes past her and heads to her car. Stahl's eyes burning the back of her head, a smile forms against Tara's mouth as she leaves the hospital. _'You messed with the wrong Old Lady.'_ "Tig… yeah. Get ready. I'll be home in a few minutes." The Cutlass' engine turns over and the deep roar fills the parking lot. The gear is thrown into drive and Tara leaves. Agent Stahl probably not far behind. Tig and Juice are nowhere in sight, good. She has just enough time to get in the house, change and straighten up. She didn't bake anything or cook anything with any kind of lasting aroma, in case the scent seeps down into the basement. Can't have Agent Stahl remember anything like that. There's an impatient knocking at her door and Tara fixers her hair, straightens out her sweats, pours a glass of milk… and finally answers the door. "It took you long enough."

"My house, my door. I could have left you out here knocking like an asshole."

"Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"Oh, that's right, vampires can't enter unless they're invited." Agent Stahl closes the door behind her.

"Where is Gemma?"

"I can't give you that information. You know that. It would be breaking the law, and you're all for rules and regulations aren't AGENT Stahl?"

"Stop playing games little girl. You'll only get hurt." Tara gets an inch away from Stahl's face and puts her hands on her hips.

"Are you threatening me, Agent Stahl?" Stahl thinks for a moment and backs away from Tara.

"Fine, I'll find out on my own." She flips her phone off her belt and dials a number. "This is Agent Stahl. Yeah, I'm looking for the whereabouts of Gemma Teller-Morrow. Can you tell me the number? Great, Thanks." She dials a second number and Tara knows it well. The doctor there owes her a favor. "Hi, this is Agent Stahl of the ATF I was wondering if you have a patient there by the name of Gemma Teller-Morrow? You do. Can you tell me what she looks like? Yes, uh-huh." Tara rolls her eyes, _'Jeez does she want them to send over her DNA as well.' _"Ok, great. Can you also tell me what she's in for? No, that'll be all." Stahl clips the phone back to her holster and takes a seat on the arm of the couch. "When I find out what's going on, you'll be going down with them Dr. Knowles." Her face turns into a scowl and she crosses one leg over the other and leans further back on the couch.

"Listen, Stahl, I'm exhausted and I'm really not in the mood to play games with you. Gemma had a heart attack. Ongoing irregular heart arrhythmias do that to people, too often in fact. You can even look that up on Google. Her grandson was kidnapped, Kip was killed, the club is facing serious jail time, and her husband and her son are somewhere halfway around the world; her heart couldn't take it. Add to that, your constant pestering, threats and poking around in business you have no right poking around in, well, it certainly didn't help matters. If you want to have a normal, civilized, adult conversation, then I'll put on some coffee and we can sit and chat. If not, please leave. I'm too tired to argue and rehash my days' events with you." Tara's eyes begin to droop and her body grows heavy and tired. Stahl even looks guilty for a second and makes her way to the door.

"I'm sorry Dr. Knowles." Tara holds the door open for her.

"You're doing your job. I get that. And I have to do mine. Have a good night Agent Stahl." _'You're still a bitch.'_ Tara isn't fooled. Before closing the door, she nods to an unseen shadow, locks up and waits before leaving to pick up Gemma.

Tig slowly and very carefully tails Stahl in a white, beat up looking Honda. No one would give him a second look. Juice dug it out of the impound yard; it's only been sitting there for two years. Actually, a friend of Juice's left the gate open for him. Told him to bring the car back, just in case his boss notices it's missing.

Tig waits until she's in her driveway before pulling onto her street. Suddenly she drops her keys and as she bends to pick them up, Tig puts a black pillowcase over her head, and binds her hands behind her back. Her voice is muffled, but he can hear a slew of curses and incredibly disgusting phrases coming from her mouth. He pops open the trunk and throws her in unfazed by her verbal beating. He heads onto the freeway for a little joy ride before making his way back to Tara's. Before getting her out of the car, Tig hands Juice her keys and her gun. He silently takes them into the house. Tig gets Stahl out of the car and puts his arm around her head and pretends to nuzzle her neck, incase any of Tara's ancient neighbors are up this late and snooping, they'll just think he's getting laid tonight. He brings her into the basement through the back door and sits her down in the chair, in the middle of the basement. The white, unmarked boxes obstruct any view she may get of the basement. Tig carefully undoes her hand restraints and she tries to fight, but Juice is on the other side of her and together they bind her ankles and wrists together. Tig then takes a box cutter and rips a slice through the pillow case to give her some fresh air. They make their way up the stairs and Juice closes the door, but Tig stays behind. Video cameras would cause too much clean up afterwards and it would also prove that this was a setup. The three of them want to make sure this looks like Stahl never saw it coming. The two recorders are in the boxes flanking each side of the chair. They aren't seen, but **she** will be heard. Tig takes the first shift, Juice will take the next and Gemma will round it out. Tara wanted in, but Gemma quietly reminded her that she needs to get as much sleep as she can.

"Hello? Anyone there! Do you bastards know who I am?" Tig holds in his laughter and continues to be still. She fumbles on the chair like a fish out of water. "You bastards are going to pay for this! I am an agent with the ATF! I will have your asses behind bars so fast; it will make your head spin!" Tig shakes his head in amusement, takes a swig of beer he opened earlier and waits out the next three hours. Her ranting will eventually die down… right?

Juice drives the car back to the impound yard where his friends waits for him. "Hey Lou." He palms him a $100 bill and Lou looks at him surprisingly.

"What's this for?"

"It's a way of saying thank you. If you ever need any kind of help, me and my buddies are indebted to you."

"Hey, it's my pleasure. I heard about her. Trying to run you guys out of Dodge. She deserves what's coming to her." He takes the keys from Juice and drives the car to its previous spot. Two men come out of the guard station and clean the inside of the car and the trunk. Lou then climbs into the seat of the crane, lowers the magnet to the roof of the car and flips the switch. The little beat up Honda is raised into the air and taken to be crushed into scrap metal.

"What was that for?"

"Hey, the car couldn't have been stolen seeing as it was sent to the 'crusher' at 10:00 am this morning."

"Lou, you are a brilliant man, brother. Again if you need anything, you let me know."

"I will, not get out of here." Before he leaves, Juice slips Lou two extra, $100 bills.

"For the two guys that helped."

"I'll make sure they get it."

Juice kills the bikes' engine about a block away and walks it the rest of the way to Tara's. Once back at the house, he tells Tara and Gemma about Lou's added little favor and quietly goes to relieve Tig of his watch post. Luckily for all of them, Tara's basement stairs are insulated and carpeted. Bad if Tara ever has an intruder, but good for being unheard by a hostage. "She's been trying to get attention for about an hour now, I think she either fell asleep or is just waiting for us to talk to her." Juice takes Tig's place and starts his three hour post.

"I'm heading to work early tomorrow. I only have the morning and afternoon shift but I have to pick up a few things before I start. I'm scheduled for paper work, but I already did it and they're just stashed in my locker until I have to hand them in." Gemma sits back in the chair while Tig stretches out on the couch. They both look at her with surprise. "Well, I gotta say, you have become quite the mastermind." Tara looks to Tig and gives him a wink.

"Why thank you." They're careful of using their names, just incase Stahl can hear. But, Tara's pretty sure no one can hear each other either way. Her dad used to spend many nights down there drunk and she never heard what he did down there; unless he played his records really loud which was a rare occasion. So as long as they don't use a microphone to talk to each other, they're good to go.

Gemma's eyes her suspiciously. "What do you need to get?"

"Well, I need to get Chloral Hydrate. We're going to need it when Tig and Juice bring Stahl back to her car."

"What exactly is Chloral Hydrate?" Tig seems very intrigued.

"Oh, it's better known as, 'the date rape drug' or a roofie. When taken directly into the blood stream it induces sleepiness in about a half hour and once the person wakes up, he or she, will have no memory of the night before. Who did she run into? What did she say? It will all be very confusing for a person. It's a lot stronger than Rohypnol and a lot easier to obtain since the psych ward uses it all the time, no one will ever know if a few drops were taken." Gemma and Tig eye each other and just sit back in awe.

Breaking the law is never a good thing to strive for. But, when it comes down to one person having to pay for another's crime; all bets are off. Two wrongs don't make a right, so, sometimes you just have to pick the lesser of two evils and hope to God that karma is on your side. Keeping Stahl in her basement to get her to confess to murder is the lesser evil. Her cover up could have gotten Abel killed!


	7. Chapter 7: The Choice to Fight it Out

Chapter 7: The Choice to Fight it Out or Hug it Out

Jax wakes up to a rather insistent hand against his cheek. "Come on buddy, time for you to wake up." He groans as he slowly opens one eye, and then the other. The room is dark, the shades are pulled closed and he's sprawled out on the bed, shirtless and his mouth's sore. "What happened?" Clay pushes his legs to the middle of the bed and takes a seat.

"Well, you took quite a beating from O'Neill last night. Now, I'm no doc, but we managed to get you drunk enough and patch up your lip."

"I could have sworn I beat the shit out of him." He sits up slowly and Opie comes to stand behind Clay.

"Oh, you did. But that lip wasn't looking too good. And you weren't letting anyone touch it."

"Was I calling out for Tara by any chance?" Opie and Clay look at each other and then at Jax and both mumble something that sounded like "Mhmm, sort of." Jax lets out a laugh and then winces and puts his tongue against his bottom lip. If all he got out of the fight was a busted lip, he thinks he'll survive.

"How bad does O'Neill look?"

"Oh, pretty damn bad. I think he barely escaped with a few broken ribs and his face looked like it went through a meat grinder."

"Yeah, well that's what happens when assholes lie about the whereabouts of my son."

"Then you should see what we did to McGee. The bastard lied to us from the beginning. Had the IRA waiting for us when we got here. And, he's part of SAMCRO, well not anymore. The bastard's dead to us now." Even now, Opie's fingers curl into fists just thinking about what went down.

"Have you heard from Maureen?" Clay looks up and nods.

"We've got Elvis and Chibs with her. You know she's McGee's Old Lady. She got us this far, knew nothing about McGee going behind her back. She's got her cousin, Father Ashby at her house. We're going there now. He knows where Abel is."

"Does he really? Or is this just another fucked up ambush to take us down?"

"Well, Chibs and Elvis are still alive, so I'm thinking his word's good. Won't know until we get there."

"Then let's go." Opie helps Jax off the bed and he gets into the shower. When he comes out, his towel is secured around his waist and Clay has left. "Where did he go?"

"He went next door to change. He had blood on his shirt from last night." Jax nods and fishes some clothes out of his bag.

"Tara called a little while ago, left message with Clay." He immediately thinks something's wrong.

"Why didn't she call me?"

"She did, you were wasted. Kept picking up the remote thinking it was your phone; _Helllllo, baby, that you? I missh you so much. I-I kicked ass tonight, I think. Pretty sure I did. Hey Opie, what the fuck happened. Why do I smell like Whiskey?_"

"Well now, that's embarrassing."

"Actually it was kind of funny." Opie makes little kissy noises and Jax throws his discarded towel at him and finishes snapping the button to his vest.

"She ok?"

"More than ok. She's got Stahl in her basement. No one's snooping around yet and there about to get her to crack. But, she did ask if you could get in touch with someone from the Grimm Bastards. Apparently Agent Stahl is a frequent inhabitant at their bar and she needs a witness to say that Stahl was there the other night running her drunken mouth about chasing all the MC's out of town and that SAMCRO will be her first." Jax sits on the bed and runs a hand through his hair. '_Jesus Christ Tara. I think I just fell that much more in love._' He pats his pants and his vest down. "Opie, where's my phone."

"What, the remote ain't working for ya'."

"Ha, that's funny Opie." When he playfully pushes his fist into Opie's stomach he looks down at him, "But not as funny as that."

"Alright, alright. Here-" He pulls Jax's phone from his back pocket and hands it to him. He dials Tara's cell and waits. _"Hello?"_

"I heard you need some extra help from the Grimm Bastards."

"_Well, maybe just an alibi. If it's not too much trouble?"_

"I think I can pull that off. What's going down now?"

"_Well, remember when she tried using Opie as a snitch to bring SAMCRO down from the inside. Remember what happened?"_

"Yea, Donna got caught in the crossfire and Tig almost had to kill my best friend."

"_Yeah, well, consider it payback. We're going to use her girlfriend, a certain, Agent Tyler as bait; we'll call her a snitch. Juice is going to tell her that her girlfriend's been snooping around and found some unpleasant documents about a firearm that Stahl owns that happens to match the same weapon used to gun down Edmond Hayes. Even though Gemma's prints are all over the barrel of the gun. But, you can't pull the trigger with both hands on the barrel. According to the real report, Stahl's prints are noted to be on the trigger and the handle. But these documents are sealed and hidden in Stahl's home or somewhere only she knows about."_

"So she forged documents? Well, that's a felony in and of it-self."

"_Exactly. Now, if she lied and covered up this very sensitive issue, what else has she been lying about and covering up. And apparently, Miss Stahl likes to drink, often. Juice found out that she lives close by to one of the bars the Grimm's use as their meeting place; I believe it's called Rumble an' Tumble or something like that." _

"Tara, I- I don't know what to say. You've done this whole thing by yourself."

"_You don't have to say anything. But I __**do**__ have help. Plus, I'm doing this for our family. If Gemma had to pay for a crime she didn't commit, than I think the person who actually killed Edmond and is the reason why you're kicking ass in Ireland should be forced to pay."_

"You heard about that huh?"

"I heard you all won. And make sure you ice that lip. By the sound of it, it's just busted and the swelling should go down in a few days."

"Thanks Doc. So, wait, what happens with the Grimm Bastards. I'll call them as soon as we're done, but I do need to tell them something."

"_Oh, right sorry. We plan on getting her to crack sometime today. I have the early shifts at work this week so it works out perfectly. She's been in the basement for 24 hours and she's delirious. Agent Tyler is on a 72 hour commission in Washington so she hasn't called to check in. We plan on getting her to confess, I'm going to shoot her up with Chloral Hydrate and stick her back in her car, and make it look like she passed out in the front seat. When she wakes up she'll have a nasty hangover and won't remember shit. By the time she does, __**if**__ she does, hopefully her ass will be in jail. So, I just need a few guys to say that she was there, running her mouth off while they were in a meeting. I know for a fact that other MC's record their meetings, so, she happened to shoot her mouth off at the wrong time. And they caught it; felt it was their duty to report it." _He hears her finally take a breath and knows she's smiling on the other end.

"I really wish I could see you in action, Tara. Please, please be careful. I'll call T.O and ask him and then I'll have him call you so you can give him the details. I love you, I miss you something awful and we'll be home soon. Promise."

"_I love you too." _The line cuts off and Opie turns to him.

"You got an amazing woman next to you, you know that?"

"I do." Jax calls T.O who's more than happy to help out his Old Lady.

"_Whatever you need brother. We got you." _By the time he finishes the call, Clay is in the room and they're on their way to Maureen's. "Gemma taught her well. I must say, I am more than impressed with Tara. I trust her with this family. I trust her with you."

"Yeah, now all I have to do is bring our boy home." The engines roar and they set out to bring Abel home. _Fuck it! Let's fight it out!_


	8. Chapter 8: Family or Foe?

**AN:** If you have trouble reading the Irish accent, I apologize, but I have to admit it was fun writing. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. Nine will be up shortly!

Chapter 8: Family or Foe? 

Tara is called into work for an emergency surgery; a ten year old boy with a ruptured appendix. The surgeon on call is tied up in another OR room, so Tara pulls herself away from her warm sheets and throws on whatever she can find that is clean and still fits. She leaves a note for Gemma and puts the coffee pot on timer for her, Tig and Juice and makes her way to the hospital.

"Do we wait for Tara, or can we start now?" Juice is visibly antsy. Tig smacks him upside the head. He immediately stops jiggling his legs. "What was that for?" He rubs the back of his head gently.

"Knock it off. Tara will be home in a little while. Plus she has to pick up something from Lyla's." Gemma picks her head up from the book she's reading.

"What's she getting? An STD?" She coils at what she says; she truly likes Lyla, the comment just slipped out. "Sorry, that was inappropriate. Occupational hazard I guess."

"Yeah, but it was kinda funny. I thought you liked Lyla." Tig comes to sit next to her.

"I do, it just slipped out. So, really what is she getting?"

"Oh, you'll see."

Tara comes home with two extra house guests, well actually three. She comes in carrying a small crate with a blanket covering it. Lyla comes behind her with an even bigger crate, also covered with a blanket. The noise emanating from it instantly sets Gemma on her feet. "Are they what I think they are?"

"If you think these cute 'little' creatures are snakes, then yeah. I borrowed them from a friend of mine. Tara did some digging and found that a certain houseguest hauled up in the basement is terrified of snakes. And I do mean terrified." Tig looks at Tara and with a questioning gaze points at the two crates.

"Tig, we both know she's not going to give in that easily."

"True."

"She'll need some added persuasion."

"Well, then, I say on with the show."

"Oh, Tig," He turns to look at her,

"Yeah?"

"How good is your Irish accent?"

"Well, lass, what do ya' need me te say?"

"Perfect. She doesn't know Cameron Hayes is dead."

"I guess we're going with a 'father scorned' today eh lass?" Juice tries picking the blanket off the larger crate and the snake lunges towards the glass and Juice backs away quickly.

"That's one huge mother fuckin' snake."

"Then be glad you're not tied to a chair in a dark basement with a pillow case over your head." Tara nudges Juice with her shoulder and then hands one crate to Tig and Lyla brings down the other. Juice thinks to himself while shuffling down the stairs behind the group. _'Remind me to never get on your shit list Tara. I don't want no Anacondas sleeping with me in my bed.' _

"Hello? HELLO? If you don't let me out of here right now, I'm going to-" Tig interrupts her, is Irish accent is thick and very convincing.

"What? You're tied up lass. That chair ye's sitting on is nailed to the floor. You're not going anywhere dear." She's obviously startled by Tig's voice.

"Don't get smart with me you smug bastard!"

"Aye, it's easy to talk rubbish with ye hands tied behind ya back."

"I don't know who you are, or what you want, but when I find out, you'll become fish food!" Stahl tries to pull up from her seat but quickly falls back, the rope not giving any slack.

"Not if you become that way first lass. Here's how this is all going te go down. I ask questions, you answer them. Simple, aye?"

"Bite me!" Tig gets close to her face and whispers coldly,

"Ye must be bloody away in the head if ya think ye getting out of here alive with that mouth. You best steady on if you want out of that chair. 'Cause if ye don't, I'll let you rot here."

"Fuck off. Why don't you go drink a pint and eat some potatoes."

"Well now, the lass seems to know her culture. But maybe I wasn't clear before. I ask the questions and ye answers them."

"Or what?"

"Ye girlfriend gets a bullet between her pretty little eyes." Stahl tenses and her breathing quickens and her chest huffs with quick, uneven breaths.

"You leave her alone! She has nothing to do with this."

"Aye, but if ye won't answer, then the lass pays for it. It's a simple trade really. Her death will be a lot quicker than yours. Just 'BOOM!' and she's done."

"I said leave her alone! She doesn't know anything."

"Ah, that's where ya wrong lass. Seems she's been snooping 'round. Finding things you ought to have hid better. Care to tell me what ye thinks the lass found?"

"She too naïve to go snooping. She hasn't found a damn thing. You're just trying to bait me. It won't work. She's on assignment, out of state. You'll never find her."

"Ah, I'm sure there are only a handful of places in Washington she could be." Stahl's shoulders slump slightly. She isn't an easy one to crack.

"Again, she has nothing to do with this 'investigation' of yours. She's not smart enough to go snooping."

"Ah, then why keep her 'round? Good lay?"

"I don't have to answer that."

"No, but ya can answer this." Tig gets close enough to her, that if her face wasn't covered their noses would touch. "Why'd ya kill me son? Why not let him run, eh?"

"Mister, I don't know what you're talking about." _'Liar!'_ Her voice is empty, and callous.

"I took a wee one from his parents. I killed a man. Instead I should have finished what I sent me son to do. Never send a laddie to do a lads' job. Won't make that mistake twice."

"Well then, here's your big chance. A poor defenseless woman, tied to a chair."

"Poor and defenseless, eh? You seem to handle your self well. Three shots to the back of me son. No, I want answers first. I want to know why I took that wee one from his family. I want to know why me son is dead. Mostly, I want to know why ye's still breathin'."

"Well, I guess it's because SAMCRO is a bunch of pussy's who can't handle shit at home." Tig tenses, wanting to take his hand and wrap it around Stahl's neck. He composes himself and stands behind Stahl. Juice takes out one of the recorders, ready to turn it on at the right moment. The other still rolling; just in case the boys want to hear what happened. Of course it will be properly burned afterwards.

Tig leans in close to Stahl's ear; his breath making the pillow case quiver. "I'll ask ye one more time. What did ye do to me son?" She pulls her body forward, as far as the rope will let her,

"Go. To. Hell."

"Still not talking, eh? Guess I'll have to get creative then, aye lass?"

Tig pulls open the top of the smaller crate and Gemma cringes and grabs a hold of Tara's arm. Tara bites her lip to hold in her giggles and can not believe rough, tough Gemma Teller-Morrow is also afraid of snakes. The pitch black Racer snake slithers and coils reaching out for Stahl. His tongue hisses in her ear. Her body goes stiff, her hands struggle against her bindings. Still, they give no slack. Her fingers grow pale with exertion. "What is that noise?"

"Aye, this here?" Tig shoves the snake closer to her face, the forked tongue pokes through the slice in the pillow case. "This here is a Racer snake. It's about the length of me arm. Hasn't eaten in quite a while (_which is sort of a lie_) so he's agitated." Tara says to herself, _'Being in the cage is what agitated the dam thing.' _"Now, if the lass plays nice, I won't bring out his friend. He's just as pissed, if not more so. Ya see, he's a mighty big fella, don't like bein' cooped up in a cage." Tig's accent grows thicker as he lets the snake climb down her shoulder. Stahl tries to catch her breath, she tries to back away from the slithering snake, but the Racer keeps on shimmying down her body. It turns and hisses in her ear once more and Tig lets the entire body of the snake fall from his grasp. "There's nowhere to go sweetheart. Nowhere at'all." He turns and purposefully stomps his feet and pounds his shoes against one step and then another, and then…

"HELLO? HELLO? Please don't leave me here. Please. Just, oh my God. Get this t-thing off me. Please. I-I, oh God, p-please I'll tell you, I'll tell you anything, but my God get this thing off me." Her voice is barely above a whisper. The forked tongue of the Racer snake hisses out once more, licking her neck. He hangs like a necklace from her shoulders. "PLEASE!" she screams just a little bit. Juice gets the recorder ready, after Tig gives him the sign, he'll turn it on. Tara looks at the seen before her and can't help but think, _'Heartless bitch! She wouldn't give up any information knowing that Tig had threatened to put a bullet in her girlfriend. But just put a snake in the same room with her, and she's ready to sing like a Canary and confess all her sins.' _Tig makes it sound like he's coming back down the stairs; the rest of the group is still while Juice tip toes quietly to stand in front of her; his thumb on the 'record' button. Lyla brings the biggest crate upstairs and sets it down on the floor, making sure the lid is still secured with the padlock. Tara feels a wave of nausea wash over her and looks to Gemma, her face growing pale. Gemma nods and lets go of her arm and carefully follows Tara up the stairs, to the second floor. They pass Lyla and she looks confused. But in an instant, she seems to know what's going on. When the girls come back from the bathroom she gives Tara a small, knowing grin. "Knocked up I see."

"You can thank my son for that." The girls share a quiet laugh and Lyla wraps her in a hug.

"Does Jax know?"

"Yea, he does. I didn't want to keep it from him, but things went a little crazy there for a while and I kinda just threw it at him in the middle of a fight."

"Sometimes, they ask for it."

"When did you find out?"

"Uh, the morning Abel was taken."

"Oh, Christ. I'm sorry. That turned into the shittiest of days huh?"

"Yea, but it's all working itself out."

Gemma and Lyla quietly sit on the basement stairs. It's been four hours and they're ready for Stahl. Tara brings down a class of water, with 'roofie' mixed in. A pink straw sticks out from the top.

Tig looks at Stahl and puts on the Irish accent once more. "Do tell lass. Do tell. What did you do to me son and why?" The delirium starts, almost like and angry drunken rant. The snake still using her body as a play pen; going here, slithering there. Hissing in her ear.

"It had nothing to do with your son really. He just pissed me off. I want SAMCRO and all the other fucking MC's out of Charming." She waits to continue, making sure they're still listening.

"Go on lass." Tig gives Juice a nod and the recorder is turned on.

"SAMCRO? What a bunch of pussy's. They and the rest of the MC's can get thrown in the trash, like the pieces of garbage that they are. All of you can go to hell for all I care. But first, I want to start with SAMCRO, they are the easiest to turn against each other. Almost killed one of their own because they thought he ratted them out. Oh, but his wife took the kill instead. Boo-who. (Tig's head falls forward for a moment, remembering that night, all because of her.) I don't care what it takes. It was so easy killing Edmond. Gemma walked in at the wrong time. Well, right time for me. She got her prints all over my gun. But no one will ever see the real police report. No, that's hidden in my car. No one will look there. With Gemma in jail, who's going to keep the little brats in line? Especially that hooligan, she calls a son. HA! He tried cutting a deal with me, but the feds will meet him the minute he steps off that plane. I got Moran, what do I care what happens to their little club. Want more, huh? You bastards are all going down. You here me! You're all going down!" She takes a breath and continues, "I don't care who I have to kill, lie too, or steal from. ATF will run charming soon enough. And I say; that baby's better off. He'll probably end up in jail or dead, so why not give him up? Why not do it now; he doesn't know his hand from his ass, he won't remember shit. I will run Charming. You hear. ME! June Stahl is the new sheriff in town now, bitch!" Her delirium takes over and she starts laughing. Tara and Gemma force themselves not to lunge at Stahl and rip her fuckin' throat out. Instead Tara slams the class on the table and Juice stops the recording. He pulls out the other one and takes them upstairs. Tig bends slightly in front of Stahl. "Drink up lass. Ya had a long day." She sucks down the water in seconds. Tara's lips curve into an evil smirk.

Upstairs, Juice places the first recording in a yellow envelope and takes it to T.O Cross. Tig brings the other recording back to the bike shop and locks it in the safe. Piney is there and raises his glass; Tig gives him a nod and takes a seat at the bar. "Shot of dark whiskey please."

Juice meets up with T.O in a darkened alley. No one followed either one of them. Juice slips him the envelope. "You know what to do right?"

"Sure do. I bring it to Unser. Say we had a very loud visitor at the bar, running her drunken mouth and interrupting our meeting. Turns out she says some very interesting things. Wrong time, wrong place to be running her mouth."

"Thanks man."

"No problem. You ever need anything, you let us know. The Grim's gotcha your backs."

"Hey, we're good. It goes both ways. SAMCRO's on your side."

"We're good then." They set their hands in a firm handshake and get back on their bikes and head in opposite directions. Juice heads back to Tara's the same time Tig arrives. They head down to the basement in time to see Stahl nodding off in the chair. When the lights are just about out for her, Tara leans in, knowing she won't remember, but needing to say it anyway; "See bitch, I don't need a man to handle my shit." Stahl shakes herself out of the oncoming haze, her head dropping and her chin hitting her chest. She turns toward Tara's voice.

"Wha- You bitch-" and she's out, head hitting the table as she goes down. _'Hmm, the perfect kind of pain for a hangover.' _She takes a cloth soaked in vodka and rubs it over Stahl. She will smell, look and feel like she's been drinking way too much.

Tig and Juice untie her from the chair and remove the pillow case. Tara takes the ropes and the pillow case out to the trash can and lights a fire. The smoke pipes out from the top and she's tempted to roast some marshmallows, _'Hmm, maybe I will.'_ She heads back into the house to grab a bag of the big puffy marshmallows and asks Lyla and Gemma if they want to join. "Cravings already?"

"Hmm, I don't, maybe. But I can't in good conscience let a good fire go to waste." In the meantime, Juice and Tig hoist Stahl up the stairs and walk her out to another beat up Honda they got from the impound lot. This car will get the same treatment as the one previous. They get her in the trunk and drive her back to her house. They make sure the coast is clear and put her in the front seat of her car, reclining the seat just a little bit. Juice drops her keys on the passenger side of the car, _'Guess she was too drunk to go inside.'_ Tig clips her gun back into her holster and quietly shuts the door and heads back to Tara's where he and Juice will swap cars, take the Honda to the impound lot and head home. Family or Foe… FAMILY!


	9. Chapter 9: Home or Away?

Chapter 9: Home or Away?

"_Hello world__  
__Hope you're listening__  
__Forgive me if I'm young__  
__For speaking out of turn__  
__There's someone I've been missing__  
__I think that they could be__  
__The better half of me__  
__They're in the wrong place trying to make it right__  
__But I'm tired of justifying__  
__So i say you'll..___

_Come home__  
__Come home__  
__Cause I've been waiting for you__  
__For so long__  
__For so long__  
__And right now there's a war between the vanities__  
__But all i see is you and me__  
__The fight for you is all I've ever known__  
__So come home__  
__Oh___

_I get lost in the beauty__  
__Of everything i see__  
__The world ain't as half as bad__  
__As they paint it to be__  
__If all the sons__  
__If all the daughters__  
__Stopped to take it in__  
__Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin__  
__It might start now.. Yeahh__  
__Well maybe I'm just dreaming out loud__  
__Until then___

_Come home__  
__Come home__  
__Cause I've been waiting for you__  
__For so long__  
__For so long__  
__And right now there's a war between the vanities__  
__But all i see is you and me__  
__The fight for you is all I've ever known__  
__Ever known__  
__So come home__  
__Oh___

_Everything i can't be__  
__Is everything you should be__  
__And that's why i need you here__  
__Everything i can't be__  
__Is everything you should be__  
__And that's why i need you here__  
__So hear this now___

_Come home__  
__Come home__  
__Cause I've been waiting for you__  
__For so long__  
__For so long__  
__And right now there's a war between the vanities__  
__But all i see is you and me__  
__The fight for you is all I've ever known__  
__Ever known__  
__So come home__  
__Come home" OneRepublic_

The road to Maureen's is empty and windy. The wind whips fiercely at his face, the tires of his bike bounce over stone and rock. The narrow roads of Belfast can barely handle the roar and shake of SAMCRO; a pack of wolves' hungry and ready to feast upon its fresh prey. Jax's fingers grip the rubber handles as tightly as his muscles will allow; the flesh of his fingers turning white inside his gloves. Even with sunglasses, his eyes squint into the bright yellow of the sun. _'Almost there, just a few more miles. Almost there.'_ He shifts into a different gear and the bikes behind him echo in ferocity. Clay allowed him to lead the pack. _'Your son, your ride.'_

The bikes take their final turn onto a narrow alley; a beat up looking crew is waiting. Bats, wrenches and fist all prepared to battle once more. This time will be the last. Jax has a choice, make a break for Maureen's apartment, or stick it out here and give Jimmy the beating he deserves? The man's crisp linen suit is a stark comparison to the bikers standing behind him; he needs to be a little dirty, a little bloody. Knowing that his son isn't actually here makes the idea of bashing in Jimmy's head that much more possible. But Clay points him to the door at the top of the stairs. "You go; it's my turn to take down these assholes. Find Abel." As he glances around and takes in the group of disgruntled Irish bikers, his mouth salivates and his fists itch for the taste of flesh; his nostrils flare at the smell of dried blood and the hope for the new iron smell of fresh. For the first time since he told Tara, _"I'm done."_ He's thinking with a clear head. He needs to fight for his son, just like Tara fought for both of them at home. She's in "the wrong place trying to make it right", when she should be beside him. He'll finish this for Abel and for Tara.

Jax squares his shoulders and hits one fist against his open palm.  
"Alright ladies, we do this fair and square. No guns, no bats just fists; like men, not like pussies." The Irish drop their weapons and put up their fists. Jimmy stand to the side, a smirk dancing across his face. Jax reminds himself to wipe that off him later.

Two sides collide into one. Fists hitting fists. Arms pulling. Feet kicking and punches thrown. Blood seeps from open wounds. Black eyes. A broken nose. A head butt. A headlock. Grunting. Panting. Painful groans. Upper cuts and kidney punches. A knee to the face. Repeated punches and blood spewing from the mouths of the ones hit. The sickening sounds of bone against flesh and the thwack of fists and the falling bodies. Jax catches a weak fist to the ribs and uses an elbow to the bridge of the Irishman's nose to bring him down. Opie has one man in a headlock, trying to bring him to his knees. Clay got one man on the ground using both fist to pummel the man's face. Finally when one man is left standing, Clay puts his hands in the air. "Enough!" The boys drop their victims and the bodies fall to the pavement with a dead thud. McGee tries to shrink away, but Clay bears his foot down onto his chest; that stops him. It's just Jax and Jimmy now.

Jax advances and Jimmy pulls his sidearm from his holster and puts the cold steel against Jax's forehead. Jax pushes against it. None of them move, afraid the slightest movement with set Jimmy off but, their hands twitch at their sides, waiting. Jax continues to stare at Jimmy; refusing to back down. "Pull the trigger pussy. Pull it."

"Shut up. Ok, just shut up. You open your mouth one more time and your men are going to watch you drop to your knees in front of me."

"You're too much of a pussy to pull that trigger. You would have done it by now."

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Pussy." Jax sing-song voice sends Jimmy into a rage. His fingers grip the trigger tighter, sweat dripping from his brow, his nostrils flaring. "Pussy." Jimmy tightens his arm and presses the mouth of the barrel further into Jax's forehead. Jax firmly sets his jaw and sneers at the man in front of him. "Puss…y!" Jimmy's wrist wobbles and he goes to wipe the sweat from his brow. Before his fingers rasp against his skin, Jax pushes the gun toward the ground and the two men begin to struggle to gain control. Jax ends up on the ground, Jimmy on top. A shot rings out. SAMCRO hesitates for just a second before slowly advancing. The Irishmen slowly come too. Jimmy's body rolls off Jax and Clay runs towards his son. "Jax?"

"I'm alright." He takes Opie's outstretched hand and picks himself off the ground and looks down at Jimmy; blood pooling around him, flowing from the hole in the side of his neck like a faucet on full force. "It's over now."

Jax climbs the stares to Maureen's apartment, a young girl awaits him. Her hair is tinted strawberry blonde and those eyes, _"I've seen those eyes. That shape, I've seen it before." _She opens the door for him and with a scowl, runs to Jimmy's dead body, gripping his shirt tightly in her tiny hands. Maureen is sitting at the table, an untouched cigarette burning between her fingertips; knowing full well what just went down. Jax sits across from her, but leans back in the chair. "You're Old Man's still alive." She grinds the tip of the cigarette into the glass ashtray and looks behind her. Father Ashby appears. "Hello Mister Teller."

"Mr. Teller was my father. Jax is just fine."

"I hear ya been looking for a wee one of yours."

"Actually I just always wanted to see Ireland, felt like this was the perfect time."

"No need to use sarcasm with me lad. I know what ye's come lookin' for. I'll take you to the laddy."

"How do I know I can trust you? That you're not going to walk us right into a firing squad?" Maureen stands and puts a hand on his shoulder, "Ye father trusted us." Jax gives her a confused look.

"My father?" He waits for her to nod and when she does, he notices a veil of guilt in her eyes. Eyes. Trinity. That's where he knows those eyes from. He wrings his hands together until they hurt and then he stands up. "How do you know John Teller?" Maureen finally realizes that John never told them.

"I'm sorry. I thought ya knew."

"Know what exactly?"

"Your father and I well, we uh, we loved each other. At least for a little while. We had Trinity. I'm sorry; I thought ye knew about it. I guess I was wrong." Jax looks to Clay whose rubbing his eyes with his hand, no doubt trying to wrap his mind around what Maureen just told him.

"Apparently there's a lot of things my father never told his family. Funny that you knew about us though."

"It's not like I planned for ya all to find out this way. If ye thinks I lured ya here by stealing your son just to tell you that your father and I had an affair, you're wrong." Visibly upset she turns and takes a few steps into what he presumed was her living room.

"I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I'm angry at a man I can't talk to, because he's dead and this is the kind of shit he leaves behind. Just tell me where my son is and we'll go back home." Father Ashby steps up.

"Is Jimmy dead?"

"If he wasn't when I left, he sure as hell is now."

"Then I will take ye to your son." Clay's head snaps to attention. His eyes burning into Father Ashby's. He can't help the words escaping.

"Excuse me? What do you mean, "Then I will take you to your son."

"I meant no harm by it." But Father Ashby's been caught. Even Maureen turns around to stare at her cousin.

"This has been a game to you. Didn't want Irish blood on your own hands. So you set us up to take these bastards down for you. At the expense of a little boy's life no less. And you're supposed to be a man of God." His advance is stopped by Jax's arm across his chest.

"Ya have no idea the reasons behind me actions." He turns to Maureen. "Ye daughter's been fooling around with Jimmy O. Getting her self caught up in the mockery he calls the army." His accent grows thick as his voice rises. "I didn't take that boy from ya, but I did keep him in hopes ye would come for him. What happened out there was McGee's doin'. He's been a traitor all along. I just prayed things would end in ye's favor. Listen lad," He goes to put he hands over Jax's shoulders but he angrily steps back.

"Just. Just take me to Abel. Then SAMCRO is leaving this shit behind. We took out the IRA's leader. There all yours now. Like puppets to a master. I don't want to hear your reasons, I don't want to know about my father's life here, or if he's the reason this rift between you, SAMBEL and the IRA even exists. I don't care anymore. I want my son! He's a child, not a play thing and certainly not a bargaining chip!" Jax's anger is beyond the boiling point, in fact, it's starting to spill over and he wants to lunge at someone or something like a hungry wolf and tear the prey's throat out. The only prey standing before him is Father Ashby and will all the sins over his head, killing a priest will not be one of them. He bears his teeth and growls, his fist clenched tight. The taste of iron fills his mouth and slides over his tongue. It's then he realizes he's bitten into his lip, right through the fresh, pliant scab. "Dammit!" He hisses and stalks out of the small apartment and in the fresh air of nighttime. There's a lingering scent of blood hanging like a sheet, but it's better than the tense, thick fog of the apartment. He senses Opie behind him. "What kind of man would use a baby as a bargaining chip? They used him as a ploy to get us to rid SAMBEL of scum like Jimmy; instead of doing their own dirty work." Opie puts a hand against his friend's shoulder.

"They're not men, they're animals. And even animals protect their young."

"I just want to take Abel and go home. I want to climb into bed with Tara and Abel and just stay there."

"Well, like I said before. It's about time you pulled that pretty little head of yours out of your ass. It's a new look, I like it." Jax wants to tell Opie to shove, but he knows he's right. It's about time he realized that, no matter what choices he makes, he can't control the actions of others. There are crazy people born every day and they can go off on anyone for any reason. He can't protect his family from everything, but he can try **not** to piss people off just for the sake of pissing people off.

"You know Stahl's been arrested."

"No, I didn't. I mean, I knew about Tara's little kidnapping plan, but you never told me hat happened at the end."

"Stahl woke up with a swarm of feds pointing their guns at her car. Ripped the thing to shreds finding the real police report. She wasn't lying about that. Everything was in there and the tape the Grim's handed in as evidence did not help her case."

"So, we're good."

"Not quite. There's still that deal I made with her. But, according to Tara, the feds are considering looking the other way since we gave them Moran."

"So, they won't be waiting for us on the tarmac?"

"No, but we have a court date at the end of the month that **none** of us can miss. It's their way of getting us out of jail. We show up all clean and business like, they make sure Moran is legit and we get our 'get out of jail free' cards."

"All because of Tara."

"Yeah, but she won't take all the credit."

"She never would. So, how about we follow Father Watcha-ma-call-it outta here and get that boy of yours home."

"Sounds good." Clay rounds up the rest of SAMCRO and they follow Father Ashby to a little town south of Belfast; Lisburn.

It's along ride with several stops, but Jax refuses to lay over in a hotel. His nerves feel like he's holding a burning match while the flame approaches the skin of his fingertips. The air whips around him, the farms they pass impose on the air, the smell of freshly cut grass. He catches the lump inside his throat and bites back the tears. Just a few more hours Abel. Just a few more hours. The tires of the motorcycles rumble against the pavement, kicking up stray rocks. The engines vibrate and the men riding shift their feet against the bottom pedals and shift the clutch at their fingertips every so often.

A small farm comes to view. The land is well kept and the white house is pristine. Jax looses it. He breaks free from the pack, shifts the clutch and gives the bike the added gas. He finds the dirt pathway easily and stops his bike just before he plows into the stairs leading up to the porch. He doesn't knock he just burst through the door and into the living room. He's shocked to see all the bassinets, each one holding a baby. For a second he thinks he won't know what Abel looks like fears it's been too long; afraid he will take the wrong boy home with him.

But there, those crystal blue eyes shine like no other. The boy reaches his tiny hands out to him, a smile suddenly appearing. He drops to his knees at first, the blood rushing from his head. The woman behind the desk finally comes to his aid and helps him up. He doesn't look at her, doesn't say thank you; but hopes she understands. He glides through the rows, hopefully not jostling any of the other babies. He reaches out for his son and puts Abel against his chest. His smell is familiar. His weight is comforting. Jax's finally got him. He takes him from the living room and into the clearing. The rest of SAMCRO is there to meet him; the first to run to him is grandpa. Clay wraps both boys in a hug. Both men cry. Of course Opie, the voice of reason as of late speaks up first. "Uh, how do we get the little guy home?" Bobby smacks him upside the head.

"Didn't think we thought of that huh? There's a car seat in the truck we rented. We're not that stupid." Bobby starts to head back to the discarded bikes.

"Yeah, key phrase being 'not that'."

"You're a funny kid Opie. How about I make you swallow that humor of yours."

"Make me old man." The tension finally breaks and they leave Father Ashby in their dust. Jax places Abel in the rented car seat and switches places with Chibs. He takes the van and Chibs takes his bike. "Hey Jax?" He's halfway in to the driver's seat.

"Yeah?"

"Think we have time to head on back to Maureen's. There's some people I have to see."

"Yeah. We have all the time now."

The boys head back to Maureen's in need of formula and diapers. Maureen puts together what Jax will need and when he takes the bag from her, he pulls her into a hug. "I don't know what my father did, or what he said to you while he was here; I have no reason to hate you. But, this is it. This is where it ends."

"I know. It was finally nice to meet John Teller's boy. If I've caused any harm, it was not intentional." Her voice cracks and her accent grows quiet.

"I know." They say their goodbyes and Jax packs up the van; finding that he has extra cargo.

"Hi Fiona, Kerrianne." They smile back and Fiona leans towards the driver's seat.

"We're not imposing are we?"

"No, not at all." She sits back and Kerrianne puts her head in her mother's lap. A smile upon her lips and her eyes just as bright as Abel's. With one final glance at Maureen's, they all head home.

"_Come home__  
__Come home__  
__Cause I've been waiting for you__  
__For so long__  
__For so long__  
__And right now there's a war between the vanities__  
__But all i see is you and me__  
__The fight for you is all I've ever known__  
__So come home"__  
_


	10. Chapter 10: Home Comings & Goings

**AN**: I'm rating this M. If you're under 18, please do not go any further.

Chapter 10: Home Comings & Goings?

The water is warm and steam fills the tiny bathroom. The hot water heater at her father's house had conked out so she drove to Jax's hoping for a decent shower. She let the water pressure massage the tight muscles of her shoulders. She puts her head against the tile and let the water fall from her body. Her eyes start to droop lazily and she fights the fatigue. She's off surgical rotation today and once she's done here she gets to go home and take a nice long nap.

Jax brings the club van home, leaving his motorcycle at the club until he gets Abel situated. He pulls along side the curb, his driveway inhabited by a familiar Cutlass. He unbuckles Abel from his car seat and heads into the house. "Let's go say 'hi' to momma." Abel reaches out his hands, but there's nothing to grab yet. Once inside the house he hears the shower running. Abel begins to nod off against his shoulder.

Jax tucks Abel in for his nap and leans against the bathroom's doorframe. He doesn't see her moving and laughs knowing that she's fallen asleep. He quickly pulls off his clothes and stands behind her, wrapping his arms around her body. "Hello Goldilocks." She turns towards him, not the least bit frightened.

"I didn't know you were coming home. My father's hot water heater bro-" His lips shut her up quickly. He turns her entire body towards him.

"This is where you belong Tara."

"Abel?"

"Taking a nap. Little guy is worn out from all the globe trotting he's done."

"I've missed you, both."

"I missed you too, so much. But I heard you kept yourself busy."

"I don't know what you're talking about Jackson Teller. But I have it on good authority that Tig has an extra copy of a certain interrogation that you and the rest of SAMCRO might like to hear."

"I'm sure we would. But right not, there's only one thing I want to hear."

"What's that?"

"You, moaning my name in that breathless way that always gets to me." Jax presses his body firmly against hers; trapping Tara against the tile of the shower stall. She rubs one leg down his calf and his hands hungrily ripple across her chest, her stomach and then just a tad lower; but not quite low enough.

"If you're going to tease me Jax, then at least do it properly." He gives her behind a light tap and helps her hoist her legs around his hips.

"It's been too long." He nuzzles her neck with his lips and she grabs a hold of his wet hair, pulling lightly at the blonde strands. She grinds her pelvis against his hips and he pushes against her movements. "If you don't stop moving those hips, I'll come right now."

"Isn't that the whole point?"

"We have no patience do we?" He doesn't let her answer. He thrusts his tongue into her waiting mouth and pulls her hips flush against his own. Their lust for each other's hotter than any water spewing from the spout above them. He feels the warm droplets running down every part of his spine. _'My God, being in her arms feels like home coming. Well, actually it is.'_ Every part of him screams to climb into her body, curl up in her heart and never leave.

It's all so very simple, and yet he made it so complicated. Would he rather spend the rest of his life alone and bed hoping from one high traffic zone to the next? Or, come home to 'this' every day. Maybe not her **always** being in the shower, but once in a while couldn't hurt. When your heart's being pulled into two different directions, it's hard for the brain to choose which side to go with. Sometimes logic is well, logical. And sometimes it only succeeds in shoving your pretty little head further up your ass and your foot further in your mouth.

Jax's head is resting against Tara's when she lifts his chin towards her. "Hey, where did you go just then?" He pulls back and his eyebrows knit together for a moment.

"I have no idea. Just thinking too much again."

"We can talk about it, if you want."

"No, not yet. Right now, I just want you."

There is something to be said about 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.' On some levels this may be true, while on others, it causes tears and pot holes that are only filled and healed once that person comes back into your life. It depends on how the person is taken away and on what terms the two lovers are on.

Tara's heart welcomes Jax back without hesitation while her brain screams indignantly from above; "_liar_, _cheater_, _bastard_"… the list goes on. Right now, she has no intention of trying to bridge the gap between the logical and the irrational turmoil running rampant within her. All she cares about is Jax's body pressed up against hers. She'll worry about the psycho-babble wandering around in her brain later.

Jax's fingers become impatient and he hopes to God, she'll allow him to ravage her in the shower. Talking on the phone and sending messages is one thing, being face to face with your previous demons sitting like a huge elephant in the room is entirely new territory to charter. Tara's legs are wrapped tightly around his waist, giving no indication that they will loosen and walk away from this. He presses on.

His lips nip at her neck, leaving faint indentations, not full bite marks…. yet. He wants to claim her again and one hand traces a path to her lower back, the crow tattoo, a permanent reminder that she will always belong to him, and he will always belong to her and it's about time he stops fighting it. Tara thrusts her hips against his teasing hands his name comes out as a euphoric moan, "Jax!" And he's done thinking.

His lips melt against hers, tongues lashing out and sinking onto the each other's mouth. Tara's hands become pinned above her head, fingertips barely reaching the shower head. His stubble rubs against her cheek; her breast as he claims every part of her body. Her shoulders arch away from the tile, pushing her chest into his greedy hands. His teeth gently bite down on one nipple and his tongue slowly washes over, soothing it. He gives the same attention to her other nipple. Tara's pleasure comes out in moans and pants as he lavishes her skin with nips and caresses. Her muscles try to stop themselves from quivering and they loose the battle and her skin goes hot and she throws her head back, days of built up anger and frustration finally explode under Jax's sinful hands. The first half of her orgasm comes on tentatively, almost afraid to be real. Like she'll wake up alone in bed, and realize it was all just a figment of her imagination. Jax's hands are persistent and his fingertips lightly brush against her clit. Her orgasm goes into full swing, hips rocking back and forth over his fingers as he adds greater pressure. There's a smug grin on his face, but she doesn't see it. Too busy with her eyes closed, teeth sinking into her bottom lip and moans emanating from her throat. '_Fuck me! Jax's fingers should be a sin_.' Her body rides out the rest of the orgasm, her muscles quivering and clenching at empty space. Her arms gripping around Jax's necks using him as leverage while her hips rapidly rock against his hand hoping to bring about more friction. Her body shivers in the aftermath, her skin still scorching hot. "Oh, fuck!"

"That good huh?"

"Bite me Jax." Well that was a stupid thing to say. His teeth sink into her neck like he became a hungry vampire in a matter of seconds. His throat muscles constrict and he sucks on the flesh beneath his teeth. An angry purple mark forms below her collar bone.

He shifts her hips and in one long thrust, he buries his cock in her warmth and sighs. Life shouldn't always be about sex, but good sex is hard to come by and sometimes it's only enhanced by a fight or a good heated argument. In his case, he just needs Tara and his world is in perfect harmony.

He pulls out and thrusts back in, pushing her against the tile and pressing her hips closer to him. His name spills out from her swollen lips and she threads her fingers through his hair pulling his mouth against hers. "Oh God Jax!" His thrust become quicker, rougher and their tongues fight and press against one another's. The water is ice cold by now and hopefully Abel hasn't woken up from his nap yet. Their bodies rock back and forth. Jax's hips thrusting again and again; harder and quicker. Their mouths hungrily devour each other. Tara's back sea-saws between the shower wall and Jax's rigid body. Her toes curl and Jax swallows her euphoria as every muscle clamps down around him and spasms rhythmically. He holds her hips against him and thrusts quickly into her quivery body. His teeth sink into her bottom lip and he pulls as his orgasm, just as fierce as Tara's blind sides him and takes control over his thrusting hips. Jax drops his forehead to Tara's shoulder and they both groan in complete satisfaction. "Christ, Tara." With one last slow, long thrust he pulls away and set her on shaky legs. Her cheeks are flushed a light crimson color and her mouth is swollen into a pout. He brushes a kiss to her forehead and opens the shower door.

He wraps them both in towels and she rings out the excess water from her hair. Abel's lungs let out a screech letting them know that he's really home and awake; possibly a little hungry. Whatever Tara was doing before that, is abandoned. Her eyes dart down the hallway, tears sting her eyes and she covers the sob that barley escapes from her throat. She walks down the hall and finds that Jax is following her. She reaches behind for his hand and he gives it to her.

Abel looks up at Tara with the same eyes as his father. He pulls himself up using the railing of the crib; very slowly and cautiously and uses one hand to reach out for Tara. "He was hauled up in a freakin' orphanage. There were bassinets filled with babies. I thought I wouldn't recognize my own son. Thought I'd forgotten what he looks like. But then I saw those eyes and all that weight was lifted. For the second time in my life, that kind of emotion brought me to my knees. This shit is crazy Tara."

"Even if you think you will, you will never forget who your son is. The heart knows, even if the brain isn't so sure." She nestles Abel against her chest and the tears run down her cheeks. She inhales his baby smell, clean and fresh. Runs a hand over his downy soft hair and puts a kiss on his chubby cheeks. Abel pulls at her towel and she tucks his head against her chest and sways back and forth.

"I'm so sorry Tara. For trying to take this all away from you. I never saw the big picture. Just the rage. You are Abel's only mother and I should never have said that he wasn't your family. It was a heartless, shitty thing to say and I want so much to take it back, but-" Something inside her just clicks into place.

"It doesn't matter."

"What?"

"What happened? It doesn't matter. All the shit that's gone on really stopped being an issue the minute the ink of my crow tattoo dried. I made a promise, a commitment to this life that I broke first. I had my reasons for doing it and so did you. Is that going to stop me from hating the slut, no. When you took me to get crowed, I knew, just like the tattoo, that my pledge was permanent, a forever kind of thing and I turned away from it first. Yet, when I came back home, you were here. You let me back in and slowly, so did your family. I don't want to harp on things past; I just want you back home, with me and to promise me that you won't run again. If I can't, neither can you." For the first time, since his father died, Tara saw Jax cry. These were tears of a sorry man who's been forgiven. His sins accepted, though not erased. "And I don't care what other guys do with their Old Ladies, but I won't share you Jax. I can't stop the crow eaters from ogling you and touching you, but I can't handle you sleeping with them. I know being an Old Lady is different than being a wife, but Clay's done it to Gemma and-"

"So did my father."

"What?" She confused to say the least. He ushers her out of Abel's room.

"I'll get him a bottle and I'll meet you in our room." Tara changes into one of Jax's t-shirts and sits under the covers with Abel against her chest. He hands her the bottle and Abel quickly guzzles it, insisting he can hold it by himself. "John Teller had an affair while chartering SAMBEL in Ireland. Turns out he has a daughter with Maureen Ashby. Apparently mom and I, and even Clay knew nothing about her and Trinity. But they knew about us. When Maureen told me, I realized what a dumb bastard I had been. I told you I was done to justify what I was about to do. It wasn't cheating if we broke up. But it was. I was in such a shithole that the justification made sense. And hind-sight kicked me in the balls. Opie was the first to call me out on it. Right after. Still, I had to hear it from my father's mistress and I will never, ever do what he did to my mother. It's going to crush her when she finds out."

"You're going to tell her?" It really wasn't a question.

"Yeah, me and Clay. I don't want secrets in this family."

"I know it may not be appropriate, but we can have them over for dinner tonight. I'm sure she wants to see Abel. And at least she won't find out in the same house she shared with your father." Tara looks down at the empty bottle and puts Abel against her shoulder and rubs his back, patting it lightly. A manly burp coming only a few minutes later.

"That's my boy."

"He certainly takes after his father in that department."

"At least I can excuse my self."

"He's eight months old. Hasn't gotten the talking thing down yet." Jax runs a hand over the baby's head.

"I'll call them later and tell 'em. But right now, I just want to curl up here with you two."

He gets up to replace his damp towel with a pair of boxers and climbs into bed letting the covers hang low on his hips. He reaches for Abel and lays him on his belly, the baby's head resting against Jax's chest. Tara waits until he's situated before curling her body into Jax's side and putting her arm around Abel's back. He puts a kiss to her forehead. "There's something I've been itching to do and I don't want you to think I forgot."

Jax brushes his fingertips across Tara's belly somehow believing it's warmer than before. "Think we'll be able to handle two babies in this house?"

"Never had any doubts. I'm just sorry for the way I told you."

"Hey, at the time, that wasn't something I deserved to know about. I wouldn't have been surprised if you kept it from me. I was a shitty person for letting you leave after you told me you were pregnant. I didn't say a damn thing. So, I'll say them now. I'm damn fucking happy. Happier than I've been in a while and not just because of the baby, but because, like I've heard twice before; I pulled my pretty little head out of my ass and saw that no matter what, I can't control the crazy, asshole people born every day. But I should trust that you can handle yourself and that if you find yourself in a situation that you can't get out of, you know where to find me."

"Jax, all you have to know is that I love you, and that's never going to change. It hasn't since we were sixteen."

"Well, I will tell you something, I really want to know what you, my mother, Juice and Tig have been up to while I was gone."

"Oh, you may never look at me the same way again. Hormones can make me do evil things unexpectedly." He wraps her in his arms and searches for her mouth. The moment they pull away, Abel lets out a snort and then a sneeze. Is there a better way to come home?


	11. Chapter 11: To Break Her Heart or Keep a

Chapter 11: To Break Her Heart or Keep a Secret

Jax wasn't afraid of his mother by any means. He just didn't want to tell her this. It's equivalent to the first time he called her from jail; _"Hey mom, can you come bail me and Tara out? Of jail. Um, I kinda borrowed someone's car. Well, I was going to."_ She made them spend the night in jail. Both were fifteen at the time but, Jax preferred to stay there than adhere to the furry of Gemma Teller. Tara on the other had gotten a night off from babysitting her drunken, belligerent father. She was happy. Once the fear and panic in him subsided, he and Tara spent a nice night in a jail cell. Even got to share a bed. Maybe that's why they were always getting into trouble.

This secret brought Jax back to being that fifteen year old boy afraid to tell his mother the truth. Only this time it has nothing to do with the repercussions of his own actions disappointing his mother. It's a twenty-two year old secret that will crush her. Apparently his father did more than just start up SAMBEL in Ireland. Seems he had a different life there too; one that excluded him, Tommy and his mother. Tara and Abel are still sleeping and he's starring at the phone on the kitchen table; willing it to give him some strength; willing it to call his mother on its own. That way he didn't have to punch in the numbers he knows so well. But he can hear Abel beginning to fuss and it's now or never. '_Don't be a chicken-shit_. _How many times did you call her to come pick you up from jail? The prison had a Teller-Knowles section for all their misdemeanors. Pot smoking, underage drinking, and joy rides with out a license; apparently two permits don't equal a license. _' He finally dials the familiar numbers and Clay picks up, and he lets out a relieved sigh. "Hey. You two free for dinner tonight? Here. Yeah, seven sounds good. Does she sense anything? Really, where is she? Never mind, I'll ask Tara. See you later. Love you too."

Tara comes into the kitchen with a very hungry little boy who tries to grab at the bottle while Tara puts it together. "Are they coming?"

"Yeah." He puts the phone back in its cradle. "Clay will tell her when she gets home."

"Where did she go?"

"You tell me." There's a twinkle in his eye that tells her it's nothing bad.

"Well I don't know. Gemma doesn't leave her schedule and day's plans with me."

"I didn't say she did. But she's at the rehab center, swimming." Now it dawns on Tara what Jax is talking about.

"Hey, you're mom's just following doctor's orders. She needs to relieve some stress so she really doesn't have a heart attack."

"Oh, like the one you "gave" her in the hospital."

"I don't know what you're insinuating Jackson Teller. But, I never thought I'd see the day when Gemma likes to swim. A little out of character for a tough, no non-sense woman. Guess we all have our outlets."

"Is your outlet kidnapping?" She gives him her best evil eye and ignores his snarky little comment. Then Tara looks down at a very content, very full Abel. "He's knocking back formula like Juice and his tequila."

"He's a growing boy. Gotta eat."

"Hmm. Guess we can start him on instant cereal soon." Tara moves to sit in Jax's lap.

"When he was born, I didn't think I'd get him past those hospital room doors. Now, he just keeps on getting bigger; growing out of his clothes. Never thought I'd enjoy those simple little things. But I do. Without you, who knows what would have happened."

"He'll be eating us out of a house-at-home soon enough. All we have to do is enjoy it and realize we're damn lucky to have it." She leans down to kiss him.

"What are you making for dinner then?"

Tara sends Jax to the store to pick up food and he takes Abel with him. She doesn't bother changing out of his t-shirt and makes the bed and straightens up before she starts on dinner. "Hey Jax, you here?" She doesn't hear Opie, but she startles him when he comes down the hall. "Shit, Tara. I didn't know you were here." At first, she doesn't understand why Opie's avoiding looking at her and then of course she realizes she's in just a t-shirt, albeit a long one. She laughs and heads out into the kitchen.

"Sorry Ope. Jax took my car to the store. Didn't mean to startle you."

"No, no it's ok. Maybe I should start knocking. I'm actually here to bring the van back to the shop. I put Jax's bike in the driveway."

"Thanks. You want something to drink?"

"Um, got any coffee?"

"Always. All we have is decaf right now. With Jax being gone, there isn't much here."

"As long as it's coffee, I'm not gonna be picky." She sets the pot up and within minutes the bitter-sweet aroma of coffee percolates' into the room. "I heard Lyla helped out with you-know-who."

"Yeah. I asked her if she knew anyone with a pet snake. Let's just say she couldn't resist asking me what I was going to do with it."

"Thanks for holding down the place while we were gone." There's sincerity in his voice and he nods at her and takes the mug she offers him and sips the hot liquid slowly.

"It was my pleasure." They sit together in silence for a few seconds.

"Hey Ope, I never apologized for the way I treated Lyla before. It was out of line and she didn't do anything to deserve it. She's just like me, trying to find out how this all works. I couldn't see that you were hurting and she was there for you, in ways others couldn't. I guess I thought you were trying to replace Donna and it wasn't any of my business. It still isn't."

"Hey, everyone was going through a shitty time then. Although the "hand jobs for dessert" was pretty funny. I'm just glad it's you that she's close with. You, me and Jax, we've been together since… well forever. It's hard to watch either of you hurt and not be able to do anything about it."

"Same here Ope. But you seem happy. And so do Ellie and Kenny and that's what I hope Donna would have wanted for all of you. Who knows, maybe Donna sent Lyla to you. Maybe she knew what you needed."

"Yeah. We're getting through it. I love Donna, always will. But she couldn't get past the club. Always resented them for my stint in prison. Never forgave them I guess. Lyla, she accepts it. Doesn't ask questions, doesn't judge and that's what I need now. They're two different women. I love them both." They pull their mugs up and sip their coffee together before Jax comes in with Abel in one arm and some groceries in another.

"Hey, Ope, stop making eyes at my Old Lady and help me."

"Don't be an ass. She checked me out first." He winks at Tara, slaps Jax on the back and makes his way out to the car to bring in whatever Jax left behind.

"Here, give me Abel, I'll put him in the living room."

The groceries were put away and Jax was shooed from the kitchen; but, not before grabbing a beer. He found something on TV to watch and is now playing with Abel. "Helping" him to build something with is cushy block set. She's got pasta cooking, sauce bubbling on the stove and bread in the oven waiting to be baked. She's set for dinner. She goes into the living room and Jax looks up from his spot on the floor. "What do you need me to do?" She thinks and shrugs.

"Set the table."

"That's it?"

"Yup. That's all I can think of. I have to go and get changed anyway."

"What, the t-shirt not doing it for you anymore?"

"Well, flashing Opie my rear-end is one thing. Flashing your father is another. Don't think Gemma would like that too much anyway." Tara heads back into the kitchen, Jax trailing behind her.

"Probably not. But I do." She mixes the sauce and the ziti together and pops it in the oven.

"Then maybe you can help me out of it."

"I have to set the table, remember?"

"The table will still be here later."

"What about Abel?"

"He's in his playpen probably watching whatever you left on the TV. He's got his blocks and a few other toys and we can hear him if he gets fussy."

"What about-"

"Am I really trying this hard to convince you to have sex with me?"

"No, you had me at helping you out of my shirt. I just wanted to see how long you would go."

"Evil man!" He hoists her up over his shoulder, cave man style and bounds back towards their room.

That dreadful time has finally arrived. They're both dressed and Tara's changing Abel while he's trying to dry his abnormally sweaty palms on the legs of his jeans. The doorbells rings, "Door's open!"

"Where's my grandson?"

"Hello to you too mom."

"Oh yeah, hi." She smiles a wicked smile and pulls him into a tight hug. "Oh, my baby boy." She plants a kiss to his cheek and looks at his lip. "See you got into some trouble in Belfast."

"Just a little." Gemma hears Abel in the background and peeks around Jax's body to see Tara with Abel on her hip. She holds out her arms and Tara hands her the baby. For Gemma, everything is now right in the world. Her grandson, her son and her husband are all home; safe and sound. Unaware the heartbreak that's looming around the corner. For now, she revels in the weight of her grandson and having her family together.

After dinner, Jax puts another pot of coffee on while Tara; bathes, changes and puts Abel down for the night. "He went down with no problem." She huffs down onto the couch and curls into Jax's side.

"Seems you two are working things out." Gemma elbows Clay in the stomach.

"What woman?"

"It's none of our business."

"Since when **don't** you butt in?"

"Shut up."

"I rest my case."

"Stop fighting like an old married couple."

"We are old and married." Tara reaches for her coffee and Jax quirks an eyebrow at her, as does Gemma. Clay laughs at both their overprotective natures.

"What? It's freakin' decaf give me a break. And it's one cup. The baby's not going to come out with two heads and one eye."

"If you say so doc." After a nervous overpass while Jax looks at his hands and Tara changes Abel; Gemma shifts her position on the couch.

"Now, why don't you tell me why we're really here. Don't get me wrong, it's nice being together. But you just got back. There has to be something going on?"

"Mom-"

"Jax." Tara grabs his hand and laces their fingers together. She whispers to him,

"No secrets remember?" '_Right, no secrets_.'

"While we were in Ireland. We met with Maureen Ashby."

"The woman I talked to. Told me where to find Abel."

"Yeah. Her cousin, Father Ashby had Abel taken to an orphanage and he basically used him as bait for SAMCRO to take out Jimmy O. Didn't want Irish blood on Irishmen's hands."

"Did you?"

"Yea, I did. We roughed up his crew; McGee, Maureen's husband and O'Neill were in on it. The whole time. Jimmy landed a bullet in the side of his neck."

"Go on." He blows out a breath and stares at her for a few minutes. She braces herself for the worst. _'McGee coming after SAMCRO. O'Neil making trouble for future dealings. Father Ashby-'_

"Dad had an affair with Maureen Ashby. They had a daughter, Trinity. She's twenty two. Has dad's eyes. Doesn't know about me, but Maureen knew about us, knew who we were to John Teller." He stops when he notices her stunned look. Gemma wasn't expecting this. Her eyes dart from Clay's, to Jax's and finally lands on Tara. "I guess he didn't tell me everything." Her voice is horse with unshed tears and she gets up and heads to the door. "I'm sorry. I'll be right back."

"Mom!" But she's already started the car.

"I'll go."

"Tara you don't-"

"I know." She grabs a coat and her keys and follows Gemma.

The air is cooler at night now. But she lets it seep into her bones. Grass and dead leaves crunch under her heels; she knows the way by heart. Side by side father and son lay. A little boy of only six and a grown man with years of secrets he never bothered to share. Instead he died thinking the secrets would be kept buried with him. It's then, well all the pain of secrets and lies get the best of her that she falls to her knees. Anger brewing and crippling her. Years of happiness questioned. A love that might have just been one sided; hers.

"You bastard! You lied to me. I asked you what happened in Belfast and you looked me in the eye and lied. You fucked around while Tommy was dying! You left me to pick up after your mess! Jax has to find out from your mistress about what you did. Dead men's secrets are never kept buried for long! But, I'm glad you got the daughter I never could give you!" Gemma's head falls heavily into her open palms. Tara comes up behind her and wraps her in the extra coat she brought with her. Gemma slowly turns into her and starts to speak.

"Promise me something. If anything ever happens to me, you'll take care of them; Clay, Jax, Abel… the club. Promise me you'll take my place because they'd be lost without either of us." Tara hugs Gemma close to her body.

"I promise. But don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon ok?"

"Ok." The two matriarchs sit on the cold grass, in the cemetery, at night.

"Got anything else you want to say to him." For some reason with Tara holding her Gemma realizes the show she must have put on for her and it strikes her as funny. "Sometimes I just can't control what comes out of my mouth. But it's hard to hate a dead man."

"Yeah. I know the feeling."

"Oh, honey."

"His grave's around here somewhere. I can't even remember the last time I was there. I'm too embarrassed to ask the main office."

"You knew all his secrets before he died. How did you deal with the left over hate?"

"I ran away. I went to med school, buried my head in books and internships and never came up for air. What he did to me, it followed me around. Sometimes I thought I saw him on the streets or in the library. I couldn't get away from him. It wasn't until I came home that I realized I was running away from the wrong thing. I ended up running away from you and Jax and that seemed to give him more power over me. In death, he didn't take his sins with him, he left them with me. The last thing that binds me to him is that damn house and all the shit I can't seem to throw out. It's mostly the old photos of my mother and him; when he was actually happy and sane. I never knew that man. That's the person I hate. Not the drunken, abusive one. It's the one that got away, the one that let this drunken mess become my father. You have to remember John as the husband and father he was with you, not the man who went to Belfast, not the man who took his burdens with him to the grave. He wasn't the happy person you knew him to be. You're the opposite of me; you're hating the secret keeper, the man that bared the weight of the world on his back. It's time you and I both let go of the hate and the past men in our lives and go home to what we have now."

"Christ, when did you get so smart?"

"I learned only from the best Gemma. You're the only mother I've ever known and I never told you how sorry I was for leaving the way I did."

"It's all forgiven now baby." Tara helps Gemma to her feet and they walk back to their cars and Tara answers Jax's text; _"Where are you?"_

"_We're coming home."_


	12. Chapter 12: Nightmares Make Strange

AN: Another smut filled chapter for everyone. Sorry if I ruined it. Chapter 13 will be up shortly so stick around

Chapter 12: Nightmares Make Strange Bedfellows

The sweating always begins first. Then the head tossing, the body shaking and then the yelling. Only this time, she's not alone in bed. "Tara? Tara!" He tries to shake her awake but she flails her arms and turns on her side. Tears starting to mix with the sweat beading down her cheeks. "Kip! Kip no! Don't. Please don't take him! NO, DON'T!" She startles herself awake and bolts up in bed. "Please!" Her breathing is heavy and raged, she tries to wipe away the tears, but there's too many and coming on too rapidly. Jax tries to hold back, but can't he reaches out his arms and pulls her into his body.

"Shh, baby. You're not there anymore. You're alright." She clutches at his t-shirt.

"I'm s-sorry. I-I d-didn't m-mean to-" Her tongue stumbles out the words, tripping over each other.

"Shh, just relax. You don't have to say anything. I got you." Jax's body begins to rock back and forth on instinct; soothing Tara.

Her tears subside and her shoulders hiccup violently in the aftermath. She clears her throat in an attempt to rid the solid lump camping out there. It takes a few minutes but she's able to speak without stuttering. Jax brushes her damp hair from her face. "You ok baby?"

"I think I'm ok."

"Has this happened before?"

"Almost every night. It's been better with you back, but I guess something triggered the nightmares."

"I heard you yell for Kip." Tara drops her head.

"It's the same nightmare; same beginning, same ending, I can't do a thing to stop it."

"Oh, baby."

"Do, (she stops to clear her throat once more) do you know what it was like to watch Half-Sack drop dead? To hear him choking and drowning in his own blood? The shock just crippled me and I didn't know what to do, who to save… who to let die. It was all just falling apart; crumbling so fast. Then, to add fuel to the fire; you're mother told me I did everything I could "except save him." She was right. (Her voice quivers and she sucks in a breath) I lost Abel and Kip. His grip on her tightens.

"You know that's not true. Given the circumstances-"

"Your mother would have died in order to save them. And I just sat there and let Cameron walk out with your son."

"Hey, he's not just my son and you know that. The things I said to you were born purely out of anger. They don't have an ounce of truth to them. I wanted to hate you because you weren't ruthless like Gemma. But really, that's the reason I love you. You keep your temper in check, but you go all 'momma bear' when need be. If you went after Cameron, there's no guarantee things would have worked out better. In fact, it's like you said, I could have lost you, Abel and the baby. I could have lost everything. You made the best decision under the shittiest of circumstances. And, with a family full of hot heads and loose cannons, you're my constant. You are what I want our kids to be like; calm and level headed, maybe a little badass." He pulls her lips into a kiss, tries to go further, but she pulls away, needing to finish her nightmare.

"Oh Jax, I just couldn't decide which baby of yours to save." And that's all it takes for her fears and guilt to take over, pulling her every which way, the flood gates open.

"Christ, Tara." He pulls her into his lap and hugs her tightly. Tears rapidly slip from her eyes and soak through his shirt. He holds her until her shoulders stop shaking.

Hindsight is always twenty, twenty. If he could have seen what his actions, his words would do down the road, he'd probably keep his mouth shut and his fists in his pockets 90 percent of the time. The funny thing about words is that once they're said, they can't be taken back. Nor can the damage they cause. Although not erasable or easily forgotten; the damage and heart break can be reconciled. It's fixable. It's easy to look back and say, _"Hey dumbass, don't do it."_ The real challenge is saying, _"What do I do to fix this, now?" _Dark places can pull you in and spit you back out a completely different person. One void of all emotion and thought. Anger clouds your better judgment, erases any logical thought; makes you chose, hurt or be hurt.

He feels Tara pull away and push herself down on the mattress; he follows and tucks the covers around them. He just holds her, afraid that if he lets go, she'll disappear. He stares up at the ceiling; the movement of her eyelashes pushing against the soft material of his shirt lets him know she's still awake. "I used to have nightmares. I'd see the faces of the men I killed, the things I've done, things I've seen done. I'd spend weeks not sleeping. I'd drink just enough to pass out for a few hours. Then one day, it was all gone. The guilt, the sleeplessness it was all gone. It was replaced with this cold heart and steel soul. I never again thought twice about pulling the trigger, if that's what the job called for. Then you and Abel came into my life and my heart started beating again, but I still had this fierce passion to protect both of you, at whatever cost. But I've learned to control that fierceness and the rage and I want to take the club in a new direction. John Teller may have fallen from the pedestal I put him on but, I still believe he knew that dealing guns would bring the club to a bloody end." Tara sits up in bed and lets the sheets fall away. She's quiet for a moment before turning her face to him.

"Stop listening to all the outside voices in your head. Shut Gemma, Clay and John out. Do what you feel is right. Bring the club to a place where you want it to be. You've already got some sort alliance with the Grim's and the Mayans; it's good to have friends, not enemies. It's good to keep peace. But with peace comes war. You've lived with that all your life. You, Opie, Juice… you are the future of SAMCRO. I think it's time to write your own book, Jax. Take the good of SAMCRO then and now and create something to be proud of."

"No matter what happens, you'll be there with me?" It's a shy question, full of insecurities.

"Even if death becomes me, I'll still be with you." She moves to straddle Jax's lap, reaching for the hem of his shirt. She tugs the material away from his body. He falls, flat on his back, giving himself freely to her ministrations. Somewhere his shirt falls to the floor and her lips feast on the muscles of his abdomen, her wet tongue cool against his fiery skin. He bows into her mouth and groans. "Jesus Tara." Her teeth sink into the tender skin below his rib cage.

His neck is next. The skin stretched out over his collar bone is a prime target for her greedy mouth. His soap left a surprisingly sweet taste on his skin after he showered and the taste lingers strongly on his neck and chest. Tara's tongue dips into the hollow of his throat and proceeds to dance along the protruding bone on the other side. Her touch is feather light, almost non existent, but he feels it. His aroused state hyperbolizes every caress, every lick and every bite; no matter how light and feathery she makes them. He's able to pull her mouth away from his neck and reach for the t-shirt she's wearing (she always wears his shirts to bed now). But, a fussy Abel down the hall quickly puts and end to the shirt's journey up Tara's body. "Really? That boy has it out for me."

"Oh he does not. Would you like to sleep in a wet diaper all night?"

"No." He pouts while fingering the hem.

"Well then, neither does he. Stay here, I'll be right back." She points her finger at him and when she's sure he'll stay put, she races down the hall to soothe Abel's discomfort.

Jax's ears perk up at Tara's voice over the baby monitor. _"Hi, baby. Someone's not happy tonight. I'll get you out of this wet diaper so you can go back to sleep."_ Abel gurgles as if he understands the words and reaches his tiny, chubby hands out for Tara. Once dry and changed, his eyes grow heavy with the oncoming promise of slumber. Light snoring sounds fill his bedroom. His tiny fingers flex over the collar of Tara's shirt and ever so slowly they stop. His tongue hangs between his pouty mouth and Tara hums a lullaby and sets him back in his crib. Jax face breaks into a smile. _'The only mother he will ever know.'_ Tara comes back, tip toeing quietly down the hall. She comes to stand in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest. "You asleep?" He looks down towards his boxers and back up to the doorway.

"Do I look like I'm sleeping?" Instead of answering, she shimmies out of her underwear and climbs up Jax's body once more.

"Now, where were we?" He grins for a second before his eyes glaze over in lust. Strong hands sit heavily on her hips and rock them back and forth over his lap; tongues tangle together. Tara's sneaky hands find the waistband of his boxers and give a swift tug and they hang just below his knees. She reaches down to pull off the t-shirt but Jax shoos her hands away and tugs it off her himself. He grips her hips and pins Tara beneath him in a move that Tara didn't expect. "Sneaky."

"Horny." He pulls his boxers off the rest of the way and soon finds himself cradled by her legs. They are loosely hung around his waist but tighten when his fingers nimbly run up her side and his palms cup her breast. He bends down to swipe his tongue over one nipple before gently using his teeth to tug it stiff. He gives the same adequate attention to the other breast. Tara's body is flushed with desire and with her head thrown back against the pillows, her neck becomes exposed. He leans forward to capture her earlobe with his teeth, sucking gently on the skin below her ear. Her fists clench the sheets below her and a sweet groan fills his ears. "Jax!" She thrusts her hips up, his cock rubbing up against her. Both bodies hums in anticipation. She thrusts her hips up once more and Jax bites down onto her neck, "I get it Tara, I get it." His breath tickles the outside of her ear, sending shivers down her spine, spiking the heat between her legs to an unbearable temperature. Her soaked state causes him to slide effortless inside her, but he pulls out slightly to ravish her breasts once more, hoping to get her to beg. His teasing fingers purposely bypass her clit and run up her hip bone and back down again; up and down once more, up and- "Please Jax."

"What?" His innocence is clouded with a lustful pride. "Please what?" Without missing a beat she pulls his body on top of hers, their lips so close,

"Fuck me!" It comes out as an animalistic growl and her legs tighten like a snake around him. Nowhere to go.

"Yes ma'am." Jax's hips buck against her and in one long, slow thrust, he's encased by her heat and she cries out something unintelligible. His thrusts are agonizingly slow and steady. Her orgasm rumbles but refuses to come to fruition. It's there, but Jax is just playing hard to get. He nips and nibbles; licks and sucks any skin he has access too. Her passionate moans of pleasure spur him on and he ups the tempo of his thrusts, pinning her hips down as she tries to relieve the ache inside her. The slow burn of orgasm has her toes curled, her nails digging into his back and her head tossing from side to side. She could light a room full of candles with her skin. She pushes the hair out of Jax's face as he brings his mouth down to hers and tongues her lips apart; releasing her hips. One hand reaches down and with a few rough flicks against her clit; she erupts into a bucking bronco beneath him. "Fuck, Jax!" is all that spills from her lips; over and over again. Her voice is hoarse and he continues thrusting rhythmically against her. If it wasn't for is own impending orgasm, he could stay like this forever. She's warm and pliant, but lord knows her muscles become a vice when provoked. He builds another orgasm inside her, starting in the pit of her stomach. Her arms go tingly and sweat beads at her hairline. She bites her lip to keep from screaming, but the insistent rocking of his cock inside her makes her hold weak and she lets out a slew of "Oh Jax! Oh, Jesus Christ!" She succumbs to his talented body and with her head thrown back, another orgasm ripples through her; hips thrusting wildly, Jax's forehead resting against hers. "Fuck Tara!" They collapse into the mattress and lay boneless and sweaty against the sheets. He finds an ounce of strength to pull out and roll over pulling her on top of him; one leg caught between both of his. He reaches for the comforter but her hand pulls it back. "It will only get in the way later."

"Jesus woman, you will be the death of me."

"But, what a way to go." Both fall into a peaceful slumber, void of nightmares and restlessness. Nightmares make strange bedfellows, but Jax is just perfect.


	13. Chapter 13: Potluck

AN: I have nothing against Martha Stewart… read on and you'll see why I say this now ; Also I believe Juice's real name is Juan Carlos, but Wikipedia has it as Jean. I went with Juan. Enjoy!

Chapter 13: Potluck 

Tara comes behind Jax and helps straighten out his tie. His hair is combed back and held in place with a rubber band. She tucks a few unruly strands behind his ear. She places a kiss to his cheek and she can feel his heart rate quicken. "For good luck."

"I'm going to need it."

"Hey, Lowen told you guys as long as everyone shows up, the charges would be dropped and the case ATF has against you will be thrown out."

"I know. I'm just having a hard time trusting the good fortune I guess. I mean, I made a deal with Stahl, behind the MC's back. The guys have every right to strip me of my cut and kick me out."

"But they haven't. Look, you did what you had to, to get into Ireland. All anyone needs to know is that she found Luke Moran and brought him in."

"Yeah. " He leans in to steal another kiss and heads out, "I have to go meet the guys at the auto shop, I'll see you later." With a wink of his eye he's gone.

"Bye."

Gemma comes over shortly after to watch Abel while Tara goes into to work for a few hours. "I have my pager on if you need anything and I'll be home by one the latest."

"Go. I need some time catching up with my grandson." She shoos Tara out the door and starts on getting a bottle ready for when Abel decides to join the land of the living.

Tara makes her rounds in the Neonatal unit; checking charts and vital signs of the smallest patients in the hospital. Some of them respond to her gentle touch while others, unfortunately lie motionless, a ventilator usual pumping air into their lungs. Tara has a quick flash of Abel's time in the NICU and brushes the image out of her head. She signs off on her last chart before her pager vibrates against her waist. She calls down to the first floor. "This Dr. Knowles. I just received an emergency page?"

"_Yes, Jax Teller asked me to page you."_

"Is there something wrong with him?" She hears rustling and mumbling on the other end and Jax's voice takes over.

"It's not me Tara, but we do kinda need your help." There is no urgency in his voice. Still, she quickly makes her way down to Emergency.

"What's going on?" The boys are all dressed in suits and ties. "Aren't you all supposed to be at the courthouse by now?"

"Lowen called, there's been a slight delay. The judge is still reviewing another case, but we have our own delay that needs to be… addressed." She notices the dry cleaner bag he's holding, a suit still inside. Opie is trying not to laugh while Tig isn't trying at all.

"Ok, someone better tell me what's going on." Jax can't contain his smile but pushes her towards one of the exam rooms; a curtain is drawn around the bed. Opie follows close behind.

"You see, I went by the clubhouse to make sure everyone was ready and we kinda walked in on… well, let me just show you." Opie flings back the curtain and without warning Tara turns her head and yelps.

"Oh my God! Crap, I'm sorry. I didn't mean… how in the hell?" In all the years she's been a doctor and working in the ER she has never seen what she bears witness to now. Juice and his "lady friend" from the night before are, well…stuck; doggie style on the bed.

"Hi doc." He bows shyly. Tara can tell he's trying really hard not to laugh given his current predicament. He also doesn't want to embarrass the women he's with. "This is Lucy."

"Hi, I'm Dr. Knowles. I apologize. I didn't mean to sound so shocked earlier. I've just never seen this actually happen before."

"I never knew this **could** happen. Guess there's a first time for everything." She glares at Juice who puts his hands up in surrender, "I warned you." He pouts and then adds, in a whiney kid voice, "I said I was sorry." Tara cuts in, forgetting her audience.

"It's not your size that is causing the problem Juice." Tig howls with laughter,

"Oh man. And I thought the ladies I banged had it bad." He clutches his stomach and Tara kicks the boys out of the room.

"Out! All of you." She even pushes Jax out while whispering a bit annoyed,

"You could have warned me." Tig hears and decides to put his two cents in.

"Why? He didn't exactly tell us. We all walked in on him, on the pool table trying to, you know… pull out." Jax and Opie pull Tig out of the way, but keep an ear trained on the door.

Tara turns and searches the bathroom for a pair of scrubs. She hands Juice the extra set and he puts the shirt on, while Tara ties a gown on Lucy and removes the sheet she had covering her. "Thank you." She's a bit shy, but Tara understands.

"You're welcome. Ok. I'm going to ask you a few questions and please don't be embarrassed to answer them." She looks to Juice first. "I'm going to ask this in the best way I know how. Where (she inhales to gather some courage) where are you, you know…joined?" They hear Tig outside the door his fist banging against the door. _"Shut up Tig."_ She hears the violent whispers of Opie and Jax. But, even Lucy has to giggle at the absurdity of this entire situation. Juice all of a sudden clams up and flushes a deep shade of red; reminding her of a tomato.

"Uh…well, I guess you could say I'm-" Lucy cuts him off and he cringes at her lack of subtlety.

"He's stuck in my vagina." The two women then share an amused look. Tara arches one eyebrow and continues to access the damage.

"Do either of you have piercings that could have gotten tangled?" Both shake their heads 'no' and Tara comes to the conclusion as to why they are… bound together.

"Since there are no foreign objects to blame, it seems that your kegal muscles have gone into a spasm and have become locked. These are the muscles that make up your pelvic region. There's really no definite cause, sometimes these things just sort of happen. Since the muscles constrict on their own, involuntarily, it's impossible to relax them yourself." Juice shifts by accident and Lucy hisses in discomfort. Juice's eyes grow wide and he rubs a hand down her back.

"Shit! I'm so sorry." She waves him off and Tara writes a few things down on the patients' chart.

"I'm going to give you a muscle relaxant and see how that works. It will make you drowsy so you'll have to stay here for a few hours and sleep it off."

"Ok."

"Are you allergic to any medication?"

"Just penicillin."

"Then, I'll be right back." Tara walks out into the hall.

"He should be ready in a little while. I have to go to the pharmacy; I'll be back in a few minutes." Jax follows and stops her midway down the hall.

"I'm scared Tara."

"Why? Juice and his lady friend are going to be just fine."

"No, not that. I mean the hearing. What if they go back on their word; like Stahl?"

"It's not going to happen. I have the tape to prove it." She sees the uncertainty written all over his face and cups his jaw in the palm of her hand. "You'll be ok. I'll make sure of it." He pulls her into a kiss and holds on for dear life.

"I don't want to end up in jail again."

"You won't." Margaret walks by and eyes Jax's attire. Her brow curves up high on her forehead.

"Well, isn't this nice. Don't you have patients that need help **Dr**. Knowles? Or would you rather canoodle in my hallway with your outlaw boy toy?" Margaret's heels tap on the linoleum floor as she disappears; her steps grow faint and Tara growls behind her.

"Hey, hey! No more fighting with the boss lady."

"I just want to pound her face into the floor." She sighs to rid herself of the rise in the evil hormones and tells Jax she'll meet him in a few minutes.

Tara enters the room with a syringe full of Diazepam. "Once I give this to you, you'll start to fell a little loopy and your muscles should relax." She pokes the skin of her thigh with the needle and pushes down on the plunger. "Once you feel her muscles loosen, slowly extricate yourself."

Once he pulls away from Lucy's body, she falls into the mattress, eyes already closed in sleep. Tara shields her eyes from Juice's exposed… business and tells him very politely, "You can 'finish' in the bathroom." He brushes past her and once the door closes she yells back, "You better wash your hands."

Jax comes in with Juice's suit hanging from its hanger. They both snort when they hear a faint groaning sound coming from the bathroom. "Jesus. What is he doing in there?"

"You're really have to ask?"

"Oh, right. Never mind." A cell phone goes off and Jax pats his pockets. "It's Lowen. I know, no cell phones allowed but,"

"There's no pacemakers here, answer it." She goes back to pulling the sheets over Lucy's body, making a note to call the Gynecologist on call to make sure everything checks out ok.

"Hey, I know you're working, but we need a Dr.'s note for court." He winks at her and she takes the phone.

"This is Dr, Knowles…" She buy's them an extra half hour to make it to the courthouse on time. "Good luck boys. Oh, dinner at our house at 7. Come hungry."

"Leave happy?" Tig then receives Opie's elbow to his side. Tara nods at him and turns her focus to Tig.

"Bite me Tig." Jax gives her a kiss goodbye.

"You sure you want to feed these animals. Because once you do, they'll keep coming back."

"Like cats?"

"Yup."

"Go. I'll call Lyla; see if she wants to help out. It'll be nice to have dinner with everyone, it's been a while."

"Ok. I'll see you later." He jogs to catch up with the Opie and Tig. Juice comes out of the room, tucking in his shirt.

"Hey Tara. Thanks for helping out. I know you normally work with babies and all but, I didn't want any other doctor. I don't trust them."

"You're welcome Juice. And don't let them give you a hard time about this."

"They always do. Oh, and when she wakes up, tell her I'll give her a call." She nudges him in the shoulder and a broad smile is plastered to his face.

"I will."

"Thanks doc." They disappear down the hall and Tara uses her hour break to call Lyla and check in with Gemma. Since her shift ends at one, Gemma offers to do the food shopping before hand. She gives her a list. "You sure you feel up to this?"

"Of course. It will be a nice change of pace. I won't be the one cooking this time." She laughs her wicked laugh and mumbles something she assumes is for Abel to hear.

"Well, Lyla will be there a little after one, she can probably watch the kids if you don't want to take Abel with you."

"You and her have gotten quite close haven't you?"

"I was wrong about her. I shouldn't have been so quick to judge."

"Well, I trust your judgment better than my own right now. Still a little mistrusting with people hanging around my grandson."

"Understandable. Listen I have to go, Margaret is circling me like a hawk. I'll see you later."

"Bye sweetie."

"Seems you are quite the popular doctor. More visitors I see."

"What's it to you? I do my job."

"Just remember your specialty is all I'm saying." Tara's fists clench painfully at her side. Nausea cramps her stomach but she won't let Margaret win. Not this time.

"You put me on two ER rotations last week. Maybe you should be reminded of my specialty." Margaret closes in on her, she refuses to back away. She can't use violence to get out of this one.

"Just keep your personal crap out of my hospital."

"Excuse me? Is that what your fancy degree in administration got you? A pole shoved up your ass? I had a patient who needed help. I took care of 'em. Medicine doesn't discriminate and maybe it's time someone taught you that." The nurse behind the desk bows her head and covers her amused look. _'It's about time someone showed this bitch up.'_

"Well, Dr. Knowles if you have a problem-"

'You're the one with the problem and I refuse to let you bully me because you don't like my personal life choices. Get over it. At least I'm happy, unlike you." She shoves past her boss and heads for the bathroom.

A little cold water on her wrists calms her down immediately. The nurse from before comes in to wash up. "I've wanted to do that since I started working here. She's such a cranky bitch." The share a laugh and Tara holds out her hand,

"I'm-"

"Tara Knowles. I know. I've admired your work in the Neonatal unit. I tried to get on your rotation as a scrub in nurse, but Margaret won't allow it. Says I'm too inexperienced."

"Well, I'm sure I can sneak you in one day."

"Really? I would really appreciate that." The nurse dries her hands and heads to the door, but turns around suddenly, "I'm sorry, I never introduced myself. I'm Nikie by the way."

"It's nice to meet you Nikie."

"You too Dr. Knowles. If you ever need anything, let me know, the nurses staff would be happy to help you out."

"Why's that?"

"Because you say all the things we're too scared to." Nikie's blonde hair sways as she exits the bathroom. Time for Tara to head home.

"Hey, Lyla, I'm home."

"In the living room." Kenny, Ellie and Piper are sprawled out on their tummies, feet in the air watching _Kung Fu Panda_.

"Hi guys."

"Hi Aunt Tara." Lyla moves over so that Tara can join her on the couch.

"I fed them lunch and gave Abel a bottle. That boy sure knows how to eat."

"Oh, I know. It seems as soon as I give it to him, it's gone." Lyla's about to say something when Abel figures out they're talking about him. "I'll be right back." She finds Abel rolling on his belly just as she reaches the crib. "Hey baby. You're ears burning with all that talk about you?" He smiles, two of his bottom teeth emerge and he kicks his feet happily. She checks to see if he's wet, quickly changes him and they head back out to finish watching the movie.

"He's getting heavy, isn't he?" Lyla rubs a hand down Abel's back, he smiles at her too.

"Yeah. We were a little worried that he wasn't putting on weight and then one day Jax went to pick him up from the crib and he swears he gained ten pounds over night."

"Well, I'm glad he's doing better. I know it was touch and go for a while after he was born."

"It was, but you'd never know it by looking at him now."

"Definitely not." The two women sit quietly next to each other; enjoying their kids and the movie.

"Foods here!" Gemma comes in carrying three plastic bags and Lyla grabs them from her.

"Are there anymore in the car?"

"Yeah, two."

"I'll get them."

"Thanks Lyla." Gemma turns her attention to Tara,

"Where are the kids?"

"In the living room coloring. Go sit with them."

"You sure?"

"Lyla and I have it all under control." Tara certainly doesn't miss the joyful look on Gemma's face as she sits in the living room surrounded by Ellie, Kenny and Piper. She sits close to where Abel is sprawled out on his play mat and watches as he tries to stuff his sock monkey in his mouth.

Tara brings out what she needs for dinner while Lyla washes up and starts pulling things out of the bag. "I'll warn you now; I'm not much of a chef."

"Can you chop?"

"Pretty well actually." She hands Lyla some garlic and two onions and the women start on dinner.

"Then get to it sous chef."

The courtroom looks like an interrogation room; just enough space to breathe. Clay, Bobby, Chibs and Piney were seated when the four stooges arrived. "Where the hell have you been?" Clay seems more annoyed than angry.

"Sorry Clay, it was my fault." Juice nervously rubs the hair of his Mohawk.

"Do I want to know?" Jax looks at Opie who looks to Tig who glares at Juice.

"Nah." They take their seats and Ally Lowen walks in followed by two men whom Jax assumes is the ATF agent and his lawyer. In a move that surprises the sons', the ATF agent, Agent Thomas, shakes each man's hand and sits down next to Mr. Rosenburg, his lawyer. "I would just like to apologize for this meeting; it was on short notice. Seems we had an anonymous tip about a certain rogue agent in our department that we needed to address first. So, thank you for being here. I wanted to do this here so that it's legal and binding and so that we can give SAMCRO some piece of mind." Knowing that Clay would use this situation to vent his built up rage; Jax takes control and thanks Agent Thomas for allowing them the opportunity to be here as well.

The room falls into an awkward silence and then Judge Reiner walks in and they all stand in greeting. "Please sit. I apologize for the delay earlier. I hope it didn't pose a great imposition on any of you. I see that we are all in attendance today. So, I will proceed." He picks up a large manila folder, thick with mass amounts of legal documents. Jax's nerves rear their ugly heads and his leg rattles underneath the table. He watches the judge comb through the writings on a particular document. His face gives nothing away. Jax's chest tightens slowly and he forces his lungs to work. _'Breathe. Just keep breathing.'_ He reminds himself over and over. The mantra in his head almost causes him to miss Judge Reiner's booming voice.

"It's come to my attention that an ATF agent, particularly Agent June Stahl, has been placed in psychiatric custody and that all her cases have been re-examined. Correct Agent Thomas?"

"Yes, sir. We received an anonymous tip about Agent Stahl and her inappropriate dealings with the case involving SAMCRO."

"Were you aware of her past drinking problem and mental aliment?"

"Yes and no sir. We had no knowledge of her mental illness but we did know of her drinking. She proved that she had been sober for quite some time. Within the last few months however, I noticed, as well as Agent Tyler, that her behavior had become erratic, bordering paranoia. We believe that she was not in the best frame of mind to continue on this particular case and the recording is evidence that our assumptions were correct. Given that Mr. Teller had made a deal with Agent Stahl, handing over Moran for an extension on his bail we would like to make a motion that all charges past and present be dropped. And I would also like to make a note that SAMCRO was in full cooperation with ATF on the Luke Moran dealing." Jax blows out a rushed, quivering breath. He puts a hand on his leg to keep it from blasting through the wooden table. Judge Reiner turns his attention to Jax.

"Mr. Teller. May I ask what you used the bail extension for?" There is no evidence of an accusatory tone. He's simply curious.

"To find my son sir. He was abducted and taken to Belfast."

"Ireland?"

"Yes sir. With our bail revoked, we would end up back in prison and my son would probably be lost forever."

"Do you know who was responsible?"

"Yes sir. Cameron Hayes." The judge runs a finger over a few documents.

"Ah, the father of the boy Gemma Teller-Morrow was accused of murdering."

"Yes sir. He followed my girlfriend and one of our brothers home. Walked in, stabbed Kip Epps and held Tara Knowles at knife point. Proceeded to tie her up and take Abel with him."

"Abel, being your son?"

"Yes sir."

"Well, according to documents in Agent Stahl's writing, as well as her confession; it seems Agent Stahl framed Gemma Teller-Morrow for murder. Seems like Cameron Hayes took revenge on the wrong party. Have you since been able to find your son?"

"Yes, sir. He's home with his mother as we speak."

"That makes me a happy man to hear. What has happened to Cameron Hayes since?"

"We believe that the Irish took care of him sir. He was dead before we arrived in Belfast."

"Ah. Well, you were given an extension on your bail. You took it legally and without harm to anyone. In fact you used it to find your son and that, to me, is quite honorable. You also have the backing of Elliot Oswald. I see no reason to keep these charges against SAMCRO. With the agreement of ATF, I dismiss all charges against Clay Morrow, Jackson Teller, Bobby Munson, Alex Trager, Filip Telford, Piermont Winston, Harry Winston, Juan Carlos Ortiz, and Kip Epps posthumously. Any objections?" With no answer he brings his gavel down against the table and it's done. All that's left is to sign off that all parties are in agreement and they are free to go. The boys do the whole manly hug thing and each shake Agent Thomas' hand once more.

"I'm very sorry it went this long." He looks to Jax and gives him a sympathetic nod, "I'm glad you were able to find your son."

"Thank you." Jax notices Clay and the judge talking. He joins the small group, curious to see if this whole thing was some sort of payoff.

"I was just telling Clay here that Elliot Oswald is a good friend of my family's. Our daughter's go to the same school."

"This wasn't a payoff kind of deal was it?"

"Not at all. I swear my job on that. No, but I will say Elliot put in a very good word for all of you. It's nice to know that when the law sometimes fails, people like you will step up to help find the monster who rapped a little girl."

"We sound like vigilantes."

"Aren't superheroes just that?" He offers his hand to Clay then Jax and heads to another court room for another case. Clay rounds up the boys,

"Let's get outta here." Jax puts a hand on Clay's back,

"Oh guys, dinner at my house. Seven o'clock."

By the time he gets home, he's so ready to take his suit off and change into his normal clothes. The smell wafting from the kitchen has his mouth watering and he follows the smell while loosening his tie. His jacket already hung over his arm.

Tara's at the stove, bending over to check something in the oven. He comes up behind her. "My very own Martha Stewart."

"Only not as old and blonde right?"

"Of course." She turns away from the oven, kicking the door shut with her heel.

"How did everything go?"

"Just like you said it would. The charges were dismissed and we even got a recommendation from Oswald."

"Really?"

"I thought it was going to turn into a payoff, but the judge assured me it wasn't, but he did want to thank us for helping Tristan out. Finding the pig who beat her up."

"It pays to do the things that cops sometimes can't."

"That's what the judge said too." He nuzzles her neck and goes back to whatever she was cooking before. "What is the smell? It's got me drooling all over the place."

"Ah, well, Lyla and I just finished making baked ziti and garlic bread for tonight. I actually just put it in the oven, but it's too early to bake it."

"Then I guess I'll just have to snack on you."

"Really?" They hear a rustling behind them and Ellie tugs on Tara's shirt.

"Can I have some milk please?"

"Sure. Big glass or small glass."

"Hmmm, small glass please."

"Coming right up." Instead, Jax reaches for the glass and takes the milk Tara hands him.

"Here you go Ellie."

"Thank you Uncle Jax. Can I drink it in the living room?"

"Go ahead." He starts to untuck his shirt and Tara removes his tie. "I'm gonna go change." He leaves her with a kiss and she goes back into the living room where Ellie and Kenny are playing Jr. Scrabble.

"Aunt Tara, is this a word?" Kenny shows her the slab with a few letters rearranged. Ellie playfully tells him,

"That's cheating Kenny."

"No it's not. I just wanna know if I spelled the word right." Tara looks at his word T-E-E-R; he also has A-L-E left on his slab. She's pretty sure he wants to spell T-E-A-R so she whispers to him,

"Switch the second E with the A."

"Ooh! I thought it was right the first time. Thank you." He picks up the wooden tiles and places them on the board, without using the T because it's already part of a word on the board. Abel start to gnaw on Tara's fingers and one of his teeth catches her skin. "Alright buddy, time to eat." Jax, who was watching from the doorway, takes Abel from Tara.

"I'll feed him. You stay here."

"Ok, there's oatmeal in the cabinet for him, can't miss the box. It's got a giant baby face on it."

"Ha-ha! No more liquid diet for you my boy. Pretty soon you'll be enjoying your mother's chili just as much as I do." Tara returns to watching Ellie and Kenny battle over their Scrabble game. Since she helped Kenny the first time, she deemed it fair to help Ellie too. Soon the house is filled with child laughter and a baby kicking his legs against the high chair, happy that his digestive system can finally tolerate something better than just formula and milk.

Opie and Lyla come back an hour later looking slightly disheveled and quite content.

By six, Gemma and Clay had come over and Tig is on his way. He's just stopping off at the club house to pick something up. Opie and Lyla are filling a cooler with beer and other alcohol. With Abel on her hip, Tara turns the oven on and props a bottle in Abel's mouth. He sucks it down, although slightly distracted by all the people roaming about his house.

Once he's downed every last drop, Jax takes him and readies him for bed. Abel is tuckered out halfway through bath time.

By seven, everyone is sitting around with full bottles of beer and empty stomachs. They eat, joke around and go back for seconds; on both the beer and food front. Jax switches his glance from Tara to his mother; he can't remember the last time his mom looked so relaxed. As of this moment, she has nothing to worry about; _'Did she make enough food? Will anyone want coffee? What if they drink all the beer too soon?'_ That's all gone for the night. Gemma is able to sit back and enjoy a nice dinner without any worries. She even offers to check on Abel when he starts fussing from a wet diaper. Tara doesn't even seem fazed by the mass amount of patrons in their dining room. There's plenty of food and drink and the guys are on their best behavior; of course Ellie and Kenny present at the table helps keep their truck driver mouths and dirty talk to themselves. At least until **after** the wee ones go to bed, and then all bets are off. He takes Tara's hand and she squeezes it back, still talking to Lyla about something girly and out of his league. He picks up a conversation with Opie and asks Kenny if he's up for t-ball in the summer. Both Tara and Jax enjoy the hum of laughter and talking that fills their house. Their son is asleep, dreaming away and their family is around the table enjoying themselves; it's been awhile since this has all come together.

Once the dishes are cleared, the table wiped down and the coffee percolating in the pot, Tig pulls out something small and rectangular. "Anyone up for dinner and a show?" He pauses to flip the tape in his hands, "Or dinner and a recording?"

"Where'd ya get that?" Chibs swigs a mouth full of beer, his accent growing thick as the beer trips his speech.

"I stashed it in the safe at the clubhouse. Come on, Juice and I had fun playing 'cops and robbers', the least you all can do is admire our work." Tara blushes a bright pink and begins to wonder if she's ready for all to bare witness to her evil doings. Jax comes to put an arm around her, "I'm dying to see what you had them do."

"I don't know if I'm ready for all that."

"Too bad, I have the tape and I say, let's listen." Of course the boys settle into the living room and make themselves comfortable, they raise their bottles of liquor and yell,

"Do it! Do it!" That squashes any hope she had of prolonging the inevitable. At least Ellie and Kenny conked out and she and Lyla can use the excuse that they have to get them changed. They take the sleeping kids into Tara and Jax's room, change them into their pj's and tuck them into bed. Tara builds up enough strength to walk back into the living room and Jax makes room for her on his lap. Opie does the same for Lyla. "You and Tara seem better."

"Yeah. We're finally friends."

"Really?"

"We worked out our differences. We realized we're in the same boat trying to deal with you cooks. Plus she's the only real girlfriend I have. It's nice."

"Well, I'm glad." They settle into a comfortable silence and watch as Tig and Juice fight over how to use the CD player.

"Dude, it's a tape. It goes in the slot that says cassette."

"If you feel you're so smart, then you put it in."

"That's what I've been saying." Tig playfully thrust the cassette into Juice's chest and takes a seat where he can find one.

There's a rustle and a few mumbles belonging to a woman.

"_Hello? HELLO? If you don't let me out of here right now, I'm going to-" Tig interrupts her, is Irish accent is thick and very convincing._

"_What? You're tied up lass. That chair ye's sitting on is nailed to the floor. You're not going anywhere dear." She's obviously startled by Tig's voice. _

"_Don't get smart with me you smug bastard!"_

"_Aye, it's easy to talk rubbish with ye hands tied behind ya back."_

"_I don't know who you are, or what you want, but when I find out, you'll become fish food!" Stahl tries to pull up from her seat but quickly falls back, the rope not giving any slack. _

"_Not if you become that way first lass. Here's how this is all going te go down. I ask questions, you answer them. Simple, aye?"_

"_Bite me!" Tig gets close to her face and whispers coldly, _

"_Ye must be bloody away in the head if ya think ye getting out of here alive with that mouth. You best steady on if you want out of that chair. 'Cause if ye don't, I'll let you rot here." _

"_Fuck off. Why don't you go drink a pint and eat some potatoes." _

"_Well now, the lass seems to know her culture. But maybe I wasn't clear before. I ask the questions and ye answers them."_

"_Or what?"_

"_Ye girlfriend gets a bullet between her pretty little eyes." Stahl tenses and her breathing quickens and her chest huffs with quick, uneven breaths._

"_You leave her alone! She has nothing to do with this."_

"_Aye, but if ye won't answer, then the lass pays for it. It's a simple trade really. Her death will be a lot quicker than yours. Just 'BOOM!' and she's done."_

"_I said leave her alone! She doesn't know anything."_

"_Ah, that's where ya wrong lass. Seems she's been snooping 'round. Finding things you ought to have hid better. Care to tell me what ye thinks the lass found?"_

"_She too naïve to go snooping. She hasn't found a damn thing. You're just trying to bait me. It won't work. She's on assignment, out of state. You'll never find her."_

"_Ah, I'm sure there are only a handful of places in Washington she could be." Stahl's shoulders slump slightly. She isn't an easy one to crack. _

"_Again, she has nothing to do with this 'investigation' of yours. She's not smart enough to go snooping."_

"_Ah, then why keep her 'round? Good lay?" _

"_I don't have to answer that." _

"_No, but ya can answer this." Tig gets close enough to her, that if her face wasn't covered their noses would touch. "Why'd ya kill me son? Why not let him run, eh?"_

"_Mister, I don't know what you're talking about." Her voice is empty, and callous. _The sons' shift in their seats, anxiously waiting for the tape to continue on. Chibs complements Tig on his Irish accent. "Not a good as my authentic one, but it'll do."

"Thanks asshole."

_"I took a wee one from his parents. I killed a man. Instead I should have finished what I sent me son to do. Never send a laddie to do a lads' job. Won't make that mistake twice."_

"_Well then, here's your big chance. A poor defenseless woman, tied to a chair." _

"_Poor and defenseless, eh? You seem to handle your self well. Three shots to the back of me son. No, I want answers first. I want to know why I took that wee one from his family. I want to know why me son is dead. Mostly, I want to know why ye's still breathin'." _

"_Well, I guess it's because SAMCRO is a bunch of pussy's who can't handle shit at home."_ Tara watches the boys tense and once remembering Stahl is hauled up in the nut house, their breaths are released, but fists are still clenched at their sides. Clay takes a long swig of beer, his throat muscles gulping at the taste and Gemma leans her head on his shoulder. Bobby mumbles something that sounds like, "Whata bitch." downs the last of his liquor and gets up to light his cigarette outside. Tig points out, "This part is great. I enjoyed watching that boney ass of hers squirm."

More rustling comes from the tape,

_"I'll ask ye one more time. What did ye do to me son?" She pulls her body forward, as far as the rope will let her,_

"_Go. To. Hell."_

"_Still not talking, eh? Guess I'll have to get creative then, aye lass?" _The hissing sound of a snake comes forward and Tara buries her head in Jax's shoulder. Hoping Tig won't open his mouth, but, it's Tig, so he has too. "This part was a little something extra from Tara. Impressed me quite a bit." The hissing continues and Bobby comes back from outside, just in time to figure out what that noise is. His face goes white and he squirms. "Those damn things give me the heebie-jeebies."

"_What is that noise?" _

"_Aye, this here?" Tig shoves the snake closer to her face, the forked tongue pokes through the slice in the pillow case. "This here is a Racer snake. It's about the length of me arm. Hasn't eaten in quite a while (which is sort of a lie) so he's agitated. Now, if the lass plays nice, I won't bring out his friend. He's just as pissed, if not more so. Ya see, he's a mighty big fella, don't like bein' cooped up in a cage." Tig's accent grows thicker as he lets the snake climb down her shoulder. Stahl tries to catch her breath, she tries to back away from the slithering snake, but the Racer keeps on shimmying down her body. It turns and hisses in her ear once more and Tig lets the entire body of the snake fall from his grasp. "There's nowhere to go sweetheart. Nowhere at'all." He turns and purposefully stomps his feet and pounds his shoes against one step and then another, and then…_

"_HELLO? HELLO? Please don't leave me here. Please. Just, oh my God. Get this t-thing off me. Please. I-I, oh God, p-please I'll tell you, I'll tell you anything, but my God get this thing off me." Her voice is barely above a whisper. The forked tongue of the Racer snake hisses out once more, licking her neck. He hangs like a necklace from her shoulders. "PLEASE!" she screams just a little bit._

"_Do tell lass. Do tell. What did you do to me son and why?" The delirium starts, almost like an angry drunken rant. The snake still using her body as a play pen; going here, slithering there. Hissing in her ear._

"_It had nothing to do with your son really. He just pissed me off. I want SAMCRO and all the other fucking MC's out of Charming." She waits to continue, making sure they're still listening. _

"_Go on lass."_

"_SAMCRO? What a bunch of pussy's. They and the rest of the MC's can get thrown in the trash, like the pieces of garbage that they are. All of you can go to hell for all I care. But first, I want to start with SAMCRO, they are the easiest to turn against each other. Almost killed one of their own because they thought he ratted them out. Oh, but his wife took the kill instead. Boo-who. I don't care what it takes. It was so easy killing Edmond. Gemma walked in at the wrong time. Well, right time for me. She got her prints all over my gun. But no one will ever see the real police report. No, that's hidden in my car. No one will look there. With Gemma in jail, who's going to keep the little brats in line? Especially that hooligan, she calls a son. HA! He tried cutting a deal with me, but the feds will meet him the minute he steps off that plane. I got Moran, what do I care what happens to their little club. Want more, huh? You bastards are all going down. You here me! You're all going down!" She takes a breath and continues, "I don't care who I have to kill, lie too, or steal from. ATF will run charming soon enough. And I say; that baby's better off. He'll probably end up in jail or dead, so why not give him up? Why not do it now; he doesn't know his hand from his ass, he won't remember shit. I will run Charming. You hear. ME! June Stahl is the new sheriff in town now, bitch!" Her delirium takes over and she starts laughing._

"_Drink up lass. Ya had a long day."_ Her slurping noises can be heard and then abruptly, the tape ends. Jax and Opie excuse themselves, one heading for Abel's room and the other, lighting a cigarette outside. Tara and Lyla know enough to let them handle their shit alone. Bobby breaks the silence first, "That bitch got it better than she should have. I wish I could get my hands on her and really show her what a pussy I am. But, Tara handled shit very well." He pours a small amount of liquor into everyone's empty cup, "To Tara." The sons' follow suite.

"To Tara." They all knock back their shots and come to give Tara a hug.

"Well done lass."

"Thank you Chibs."

"It was a pleasure working with you." Tig takes her hand and gives it a kiss.

"You're a piece of work Tig." Piney is the last to hug her.

"From me and Donna. Thank you."

"Oh, you're very welcome Piney." He holds on to her for a few minutes, finally, coming to terms with his daughter-in-law's death. Tonight gave him a bit of closure.

"I think I can finally remember Donna the way she was before she died."

Bobby and Clay clean up the half empty cups and liquor bottles, say their goodbye's and head home. Tara closes the door as the last of the sons' leave for the night. She grabs the cassette from the table and slides it into her back pocket. Opie comes in to get the kids. "Wait. There's one last thing we need to do." She goes to get Jax and they make their way into the backyard. Tara drops the tape into one of their steel garbage cans and pours a small amount of gasoline from the canister Jax keeps in the garage for emergencies. She takes out a book of matches, lights one and drops it down into the can. The four of them back away and watch the blazing fire kill the last bit of evidence that ties SAMCRO to agent Stahl. Jax and Opie stand side-by-side, arms wrapped tightly around their Old Ladies standing in front of them. The flames wave fiercely and the crackle of melting plastic fills the air around them. They stare victoriously as smoke rises from the forming embers.

"_It's so clear now that you are all that I have_

_I have no fear now you are all that I have." Snow Patrol_


	14. Chapter 14: Perhaps Blessings in

AN: I apologize for my reply to a certain review I received earlier. I can honestly say, criticism is apart of writing and I handle it well, but I do not tolerate bashing a writer's work simply because you don't like the concept and direction. That is not what criticism means. I have no intention of making this story a replica of what we watch on TV every Tuesday night. I do want to thank all my readers, those you review and those who don't. I enjoy the positive feedback and all your kind words fuel my desire to put out a product I am happy with. Thank you for sticking with it! I just feel that if you are looking for an exact play-by-play of what you watch, then there's not much worth and surprise in reading a story. You already know how it will end. Hopefully I haven't bored you with this and now, on to Chapter 14! Please Enjoy!

Chapter 14: Perhaps Blessings in Disguise

At 3am, Jax had, had enough tossing and turning. The smell of burnt plastic and smoke still hung heavily on his senses, but his mind was what was keeping him on the edge of sleeplessness. He slides out from underneath Tara's body, carefully as not to wake her. He finds clean clothes and grabs a pen and a paper and he's out the door, smiling at the lingering sounds of Abel's snoring filtering down the hall.

He turns the engine over, backs the bike out of the driveway and heads for the highway. He has no particular destination, but the need to clear his heads keeps his feet planted and his hands on the gears. The open road helps with the congestion in his head. It feels as though the wind pushing against his body is taking all his rambling thoughts and scooping them away.

The sky stretching out above him is more navy blue than pitch black, this time of morning. The sun is searching for the perfect time to push the moon out of the way; the stars are translucent against their background, fading with the darkness. Jax's Harley-Davidson rumbles and huffs with life as he switches gears to pick up speed. He veers off the main road and follows an old beat-up dirt road. The clearing he comes to was once used as a camping ground, but it hasn't been used in quite some time; too much dirt probably. He finds one of the few, full grassy areas and takes a seat, keeping his feet planted and knees bent. It will be hell on his back, but worth it. All the faint whispers in head come back; first a low hum, them a constant buzzing and now they fill his head like there are actual people staked out in his mind, burying themselves in his subconscious. _'Stahl, ATF, Hale, Unser, Jimmy, Cameron, Zobelle, Moran.' _ Everything comes around full circle and he swears a headache is forming from all the noise. _"The noise doesn't matter."_ He's got to find a way to push past the noise. He brings out his pen and notebook and begins to write; allowing everything to flow out from his fingertips.

_"Guilt, a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes-accurately or not- that he or she has violated a moral standard and bears significant responsibility." Well, he has plenty of that to go around._

_ Is paying a porn star money to pretend to sleep with you, just as bad as actually cheating? Especially if you did everything else, but? (Yeah)_

_ Does making a deal behind your brothers' backs, even though it was the best thing for the club and most importantly for you 8 month old son, make you a traitor? (Maybe not)_

_ I have enough guilt boiling inside me that, if planes ran on guilt, I could fly around the world… twice. I always wanted to be my father, make similar decisions he made, and do the same things he did. Now, I realize what a waste of time that has been. Not that I think my father is horrible in any way. It's just that, it's stunted my growth as my own kind of man. Instead of being Jackson Teller, I was becoming John Teller and with that, I was on a path to self destruction. I always felt I never measured up to my father, but now, going against all that noise in my head, I make the change today. Within myself, first. Changes in the club can't be forced; they have to come naturally and with much less bloodshed than anticipated. _

_ "We are all free men protected by the constitution." But, are we protected from ourselves? Can we control our inner combustibility, or do we allow it to seep into our veins, grab a hold of our life force and strangle us? I can't answer these questions on my own. Once I look into Tara's eyes, all this seems to disappear and becomes weightless, slipping from my grip and I find a peace I never knew existed. Could you…would you give that up for fear of loosing it; or rather the fear of having it ripped away from you? Would you rather give up that euphoria and tranquility voluntarily or have it done for you? These questions are as simple and as complex as we, as human beings make them out to be. The 'John Teller' in me would rather give up love voluntarily instead of watching it crumble beneath my palms like stone pillars really made of sand. The newfound Jax Teller says, "it's better to have love and lost, than to have never loved at all." I would rather enjoy the fullness in my heart for however long it lasts; than to deal with the emptiness for eternity. __JT_

Jax squints against the coming sun. Flashes of orange and gold glitter across the sky line; gradually filling the sky and pushing the darkness away. Birds begin to sing their morning song and finally the voices in his head vanish, becoming permanent ink embedded on paper. He stands to wipe off any dirt and loose grass from his pants and begins his trek home; it's no longer an up hill battle to get there.

The smell of breakfast hangs like a delicious blanket in front of him; his stomach catches on and starts to growl with anticipation. Tara turns toward the sound of the closing door. "Hey, where do you go so early this morning?"

"Just a drive. I couldn't sleep."

"Oh, you wanna talk about it?"

"Nah, I'm good now." He grabs plates and silverware from the cabinet and sets the table. "Abel up yet?" He's answered by the little boy in question. Abel's unintelligible gurgles carry down the hall from the open bedroom.

"Well, that answers your question." She goes back to flipping the eggs once Jax presses his lips to her cheek. _'Come on little man, time for some breakfast.'_ Jax manages to balance Abel on one knee while feeding both of them. Most of the peach 'mush' gets in Abel's mouth. Tara only has to wipe the extra away when he laughs at the face Jax makes; his eyes go wide and his cheeks puff out like a squirrel. Of course, not understanding his tiny mouth is full, Abel grins and peach mush goes dribbling down his chin.

"Mommy saves the day."

"Tell daddy that, mommy wouldn't have to if daddy stops making goofy faces while I'm trying to eat." Jax makes the face once more and this time, when Abel giggles, there's no added clean up.

Tara's shift starts at 5 and Jax has to head over to the auto shop to help with a repo. This leaves Abel, without a caregiver.

"I can take him to work with me, and when you're done with fixing the car you can come pick him up." It's a deflated suggestion, both know they'll be working too late and Abel with most likely be thrown off schedule.

"My mom can watch him. Oh no, she can't. Her and Opie are the only ones working at the shop." He picks up the house phone and begins dialing his mother's number.

"What are you doing?"

"I call mom, tell her I'm not coming in."

"No, go. Opie's probably been there all day. I'm sure he wants to go home to Kenny and Ellie." She switches Abel to her other hip and bites her lip in thought. "I could ask Lyla if she's free."

"No, she's not; Piney's got the kids tonight."

"Then I'll just take him with me tonight. I'll pack a few extra bottles and cereal and I'll keep checking on him during my shift."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. The day care center is usually well staffed and he'll be asleep by 7:30 anyway."

"Alright. If I get out early, I'll swing by and pick him up."

"Ok. Just page me or leave a message letting me know. Knowing how scatter brained I am lately I'll forget and think the worst."

"No problem." Jax takes his time kissing Tara and plants a wet kiss on Abel's cheek; his chubby hands grabbing at the soft hairs of his goatee. Once he leaves, Tara packs up Abel's diaper bag with toys, extra formula and diapers and heads to work' fifteen minutes early she might add.

Of course any hope that she'd be able to skip running into Margaret was squashed when she walks through the front doors and sees her laughing with another doctor. Tara tries her hardest to sneak by, but Margaret's 'Tara Alarm' goes off and she comes up behind Tara.

"What are you doing with that?" Tara drops her head and takes a long, deep breath. Abel instantly clutches tighter to her leather jacket; not liking the woman in front of him one bit.

"If by 'that' you mean Abel, I'm taking him upstairs to the day care center."

"What, his low life father finally bailed?" Margaret crosses her arms, looking quite pleased with herself. Of course not expecting much verbal retaliation from Tara.

"If you have nothing nice to say about **Jax**, then keep your mouth shut. I don't care if you're my boss, but you will not speak ill of my family. Not get the hell out of my way." Tara steps aside and continues to the elevator, smiling and rubbing Abel's nose with her own, inhaling the soft, sweet smell of his shampoo. Margaret huffs off to berate someone far less mouthy than Tara.

Tara drops off Abel at the center, changes into her scrubs and makes her way to the NICU. Imagine her surprise when she not only sees Nikie, but Margaret as well; the later not looking to thrilled. "Dr. Knowles, I believe you already know Nicole. She'll be working closely with you tonight. I hope that's not a problem." Tara places her hands in her pockets and tries to keep a smile from spreading.

"Not at all."

"Good. Also, we are understaffed at the moment in the ER. Once you've done a few hours up here, I expect to see you both down in triage." Nicole mock salutes Margaret behind her back, causing Tara to snicker softly. "Oh and Tara, I'll need to see you in my office in an hour. Don't be late."

"Of course not ma'am." Margaret turns on her heel and leaves the room. Tara begins the task of showing Nikie around and introducing her to her new patients.

An hour goes by without much chaos, just one baby's sleep apnea machine went off and Tara thought Nikie was going to loose it. But, once it was explained what the machine did and why, Nikie felt better that the alarm didn't necessarily mean death was fast approaching. "I'm sorry. I handle adults so much better."

"That's because they can verbalize what ails them, usually. Babies rely on us to figure it out for them."

"That makes a lot more sense than me just being paranoid."

"It happened to me when I started working with babies. But you come to realize that they can talk too, you just have to really listen." Tara checks her watch and heads for Margaret's office. "I'll be back."

"Uh, good luck with that troll."

"Thanks."

Tara's hand steadily taps against Margaret's door. "Come in!" She ducks her head in first, and her body follows. Margaret sits back in her chair, arms crossed and a wicked look on her face. Tara becomes uneasy. "Please, take a seat."

"I'd rather not."

"Fine. I guess you're wondering why I asked you hear."

"Not really."

"You can cut the smart ass, tough girl act now."

"It's not an act. So, why don't you tell me why you pulled me away from **my** job."

"Ok. Have it your way then. I feel that if you keep letting you personal life cloud your judgment, and refuse to take control of your career, than I feel it's my duty to do so for you."

"Excuse me? Who they hell do you think you are? My mother?" Margaret pulls a large yellow folder from her desk and hands it to her. She unwinds the red string holding the folder closed and pulls out the thin stack of papers inside. Her eyes scan over the wording; they grow wide in surprise and darken in anger. "What the hell is this? You're sick way of telling a joke."

"No. I'm very serious actually."

"Then you can shove these papers."

"Don't be hasty with your decision Tara." The rise in hormones quickly gets her thinking, _'What I wouldn't give to beat every nasty bone out of your body.'_

"It's Dr. Knowles to you."

"Well, I don't feel comfortable having your personal life impede on my hospital. I feel you're too good a doctor to waste your time playing house with those…people."

"So you think I'd be happy transferring to New York?"

"They have an excellent program. I think you'll find the accommodations quite-"

"Fuck you! You can't transfer me because you don't agree with my personal life choices."

"No, but I can transfer you if I feel the hospital and its staff is in danger." The smug look returns and Margaret comes to stand in front of Tara; whose body is tense with rage as well as shock. Soon, Tara straightens her shoulders and stares down the lowly admin. A smile curls her lips,

"Then I will make this all very simple for you. Consider this my two weeks notice."

"Now, Tara, I think you need to take some time-" The tearing of paper cuts her off mid-sentence. Tara drops the shreds on the floor like thick confetti and slams the door shut.

"What happened?" Nikie gives her a concerned look but, Tara waves her off.

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Ok." She smiles sweetly and updates her on the charts she missed. Another hour goes by and Tara's too tired to stay.

"Listen, I'm skipping out on my shift early tonight. I don't feel all the great."

"I'll walk down with you." Tara finds an eager doctor to fill in for her and picks Abel up at the day care center. "He's so adorable."

"Yeah, takes after his daddy. All blonde hair and blue eyes."

"He's gonna be a lil' heartbreaker."

"By the way you're looking at 'em, I think he already is."

"He's much too young for me."

The two women carry on their conversation all the way to the main nurses' station on the first floor. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

"The day after. I have two surgeries scheduled. I'll see if I can get you to scrub in with me."

"Looking forward to it." Nikie is about to take off when, out of the corner of Tara's eye she sees a familiar face. She's seen him around the hospital a few times. _'Why does he look familiar?' _The man in question notices her. He and the woman he's with advance on her, each pulling a pistol. "You're Jax's Old Lady." It's not a question. "I've got a little business with him that needs taking care of." By now, doctors, nurses, and patients have all scattered, some frozen where they stand, others able to sneak out the automatic doors.

The hospital quickly goes into lockdown.

Abel gurgles from his spot against her chest. With Nikie behind her, both women calmly access the situation.

"What do you need me for then?" Realizing he's in a room full of witnesses, he motions for Tara to move. She and Nikie back away towards the cafeteria. "Why not be a man and go see Jax yourself?" Louisa steps in front of him,

"Listen hussy, we ask the questions. We give the orders. Not you." Salazar pushes Louisa out of the way, their guns flailing as they argue. Tara covers Abel's head with her hand, trying to use her body as a shield.

"I can handle my own shit! Keep out of this!"

"I don't think so. If you were able to handle shit on your own, you'd still have your cut."

The arguing continues and Tara quickly hands Abel to Nikie, knowing that they came just for her. Sirens of multiple squad cars can be heard. Most of the hospital has been cleared, except for patients that can not be moved. Salazar finally turns towards Tara again. "Your Old Man took something of mine, now I'm going to take something of his."

"Stop acting like a man capable of handling big boy problems." Nikie's eyes go wide and she hisses in her ear,

"Don't pissing him off." Both Salazar and Louisa point their barrels at her, Salazar has no intention of hurting her, but by the vengeance evident in Louisa's eyes, she might be more capable of pulling the trigger than he is. But if she can get their sole attention, she's hopping Nikie can sneak Abel and herself out of the hospital.

Unser's on the scene first. Margaret and another board administrator take a head count of all the evacuated personnel.

"Anyone missing?" Margaret bows her head, unable to speak. The male administrator takes charge of the situation.

"Yeah, two. A nurse, Nikie Weiss and Dr. Tara Knowles." Unser's head snaps up.

"Tara?"

"Yes, sir." He gets on his radio phone.

"Clay, it's Unser. I'm down at the hospital. You and Jax better get down here quick."

"_What happened?"_ His voice becomes low and scratchy.

"The hospital went into lockdown. Two gunmen are inside. And so is Tara."

"_Fuck!" _The line goes dead and Unser talks to a few people, trying to get as many details and as many witnesses before Clay and Jax show up.

"Anyone see who the gunmen are?"

"One male and one female I believe. They were Spanish. Seemed like they knew the doctor. They forced her, the blonde chick and the baby into the cafeteria."

"What baby?" The witness shrugs and seems annoyed by the questions Unser throws at him.

"The baby the doc was carrying." The teenager continues to act like he has better things to do than chat with the officer so Unser waves him away. He goes in search of the male administrator he talked to earlier; Graham Adams is his name.

"There happens to be a baby in there too. I guess you forgot to mention that." Instead of looking at Graham, he stares down at Margaret who fixes her glasses and stalks away. "I'm going to need a list of every patient admitted and who is still in there."

"No problem officer." Unser rubs his forehead trying to soothe the headache already forming. _'Why do I have to be the one to tell Jax the shit news?' 'That's right, because you let Clay talk you into staying on the job another six months.' _The loud humming of engines catches his attention; it's not just Clay and Jax.

The group of bikers rolls up followed by Gemma's black SUV. Jax barely makes it off his bike before sprinting towards Unser.

"What the fuck happened?"

"Two gunmen flagged down Tara as she was about to leave. From what I've gather, there's one male and one female gunman. A witness tells me, the guy knew who Tara was. Like he was waitin' for her or something." Jax turns towards his father and the rest of the sons'.

"It's got to be Salazar and his Old Lady. They must have found out where-"

"Jax, they got Abel too."

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Tig throws his hands up in the air.

"Jesus Christ." Comes Chibs' Irish accent.

"What ever happened to fighting like a man, huh? You have a problem, you deal with it. You don't go after the Old Lady and the kids!" Bobby's face is just stuck in a state of shock as he speaks. "This is fucking bullshit. Should have flushed his Goddamn head down the toilet too." Tig and juice are cracking their knuckles, reading themselves for a smack down. Jax has no where to go, and doesn't know what the fuck to do. _'Where do I put my hands? How come I can't feel my fingers? Has the world always spun around like this? So many lights. The sirens too loud. What the fuck happens next?'_ Just too many questions left unanswered.

Back inside the cafeteria, Salazar paces back and forth trying to put a plan together. Louisa stares the women down, her pistol never backing down. Tara whispers to Nikie, "Do you think anyone's left in ICU?"

"Probably not. Once the hospital is in lockdown, who ever can get out stays out. There might be a nurse left behind, but I doubt it." The alarms outside the cafeteria are loud and starting to irritate Abel's sensitive ears. He begins to fuss.

"Shut that thing up."

"It's the alarms, they're hurting his ears." Tara doesn't even bother with pleasantries. She takes Abel into her lap and tries to cover his ears with her body. It's a temporary fix. Louisa whispers something to Salazar which sets him off in a rant.

"Could you shut up for one fucking second while I figure shit out?" They glare at each other and Louisa gives up. She walks towards Tara with the intent to kill, puts the pistol to her head.

"I hope Jax can hear you beg for your life." She pulls back on the safety but Tara's pager interrupts and Salazar grabs her by the arm, flinging her backwards.

"Que está jodidamente loca. Necesitamos su vida. (You're fucking crazy. We need her alive)."

"¿Por qué? (Why)"

By now the tensions are running high and her pager is still buzzing violently. It's coming from an OR room down the hall. "Please, you have to let us go down there. Someone's either dying are badly injured. I'm the only doctor still here." Louisa wants to refuse, but Salazar takes back control.

"We're coming with you."

As they pass the front doors and proceed down the hall, Jax and the other sons' get a real good glimpse of Salazar and Louisa.

"You were right. Now what?" Tig puts a hand on Jax's shoulder, but he shakes his head.

"I don't know." He needs to figure something out, and quickly. His strong façade is crumbling down around him.

Tara sets to work, quickly scrubbing her hands and suiting up to enter the sterile OR room. A boy is still on the table, the anesthesiologist cowering in the corner. "He's-he's-he's…."

"Waking up, I can see that." She looks over at the boy, he's eyes wide and his body struggling against the tubing lodged in his throat. "It's going to be ok. I'm going to get you through this, no matter what. Do you understand me? Just nod your head if you can." The little boy, no more than 10, stares at her for a moment, fear and tears clouding his brown eyes. But he trusts her so, he nods. "Good. What was he in for?"

"Apen-Apen, Appendicitis." She looks to his stomach, no incision but she can feel his body burning up. _'Left alone any longer, it's going to rupture.'_

"What's his name?"

"Kyle."

"Ok Kyle. I'm going to place my hand over the sore spot to see how inflamed your appendix is. It's going to hurt, but I need you to be strong for me, ok?" He nods and shuts his eyes tightly, waiting for the pain. She places a gentle hand on the right side of Kyle's body, just below his belly button. He squirms a bit and a few tears trail down his cheek, but he keeps his body on the gurney. With all the entire equipment ready on the cart, she can do the procedure here. She first has to put Kyle under once again. "What did you give him?"

"I gave him a general anesthetic, but he can't be given another. It's too risky. We have a regional anesthetic. We can give it to him to numb his lower half." Matt seems to come out of his shock.

"Ok. Put a curtain up and I'll extract his breathing tube." Matt does what he is told and preps the table. Tara comes to the head of the gurney and explains to Kyle. "I'm going to pull your breathing tube out. Do you like to blow bubbles?" He nods. "I need you to do that for me. I need you to pretend like you're blowing bubbles for me." Nikie watches from the other side of window, desperate to help her, and desperate to help keep Abel out of danger. Louisa grows impatient and walks into the OR room. Again she holds Tara at gunpoint, this time Salazar joins in.

"Make any sudden movements and I plug a bullet in your heart." With two loaded pistols trained on her, she works quickly and effortlessly to get to Kyle's appendix before it ruptures and causes more damage. She also keeps watch that Kyle doesn't go into shock from the double dose of anesthesia. "How you doin' Kyle?" His voice is raspy and just barely audible.

"OK Dr. Tara."

"Good. Can you feel anything?"

"Just my fingers." After a few minutes he whispers again. "I have an itchy nose."

"Matt can help you with that." She begins to cut away the infected appendix and Louisa turns her head; face going green. The pistol digs into her side.

Things suddenly take a turn for the worse. Matt reaches for something that Tara will need once Kyle's appendix is out, but the way he goes for it startles Salazar. He trains his gun at Matt,

"Move again and you're dead!" Kyle keeps his fears buried and focuses on the ceiling, praying for everyone to get out alive.

"Dr. Knowles is going to need the surgical staples once she closes." He places it on the cart next to her.

"I've had enough of this shit. Can't we just take this bitch down and get the hell out of here?"

"Where we gonna go Louisa? They have this whole damn hospital swarmed by cops. You think we're really walking out the front door?"

"Well, excuse me pendejo. If we had followed her home like I wanted too, we wouldn't me in this mess!"

"You blaming me for this?"

"I don't see any other assholes in front of me so, yeah!" Their heated words turn into a scuffle; a gun fires, the blast echoing and an ear piercing scream travels to the outside. There's an eerie silence.

Immediately cops duck behind their cars, guns drawn radios buzzing with orders and questions. Jax's head whips around at the echoing sound of a fired gun. His legs take off before his brain registers the movement. He reaches the doors but is taken down to his knees by Unser and Tig. "Get the fuck off me!"

"No! You can't go in there."

"Like hell! The only way to keep me here is to cuff me or shoot me!" Unser cuffs Jax's hands in front of him and Tig stands next to him, leaning against one of the patrol cars.

"So, what, I'm just supposed to wait here while that fuck head does whatever he wants to, to Tara and Abel."

"We don't know who's been hurt in there. We just have to let the cops do their job." Unser approaches the two men,

"A SWAT team has been deployed. Once they get here I'll un-cuff you, but you better keep your ass out here." He walks off and waves the rest of the sons' to join Tig and Jax.

Abel breaks the silence with his cries. They're not hungry or wet diaper cries, they are shrills of panic. Nikie picks them up off the ground and surveys the scene. Louisa and Salazar are frozen in their spots. Matt's rubbing a hand through Kyle's capped hair as the little boy heaves in hysteria. Her eyes fall on Tara. Blood. Lots of it. She can't decide whether to put Abel down or rush to Tara's side. She peeks her head into the room but when Tara's head lifts she stops. "Take Abel and run."

"But-"

"Get him out of here!" By the time Salazar and Louisa shake themselves, Nikie is already outside, probably talking to Unser now.

The blood soaking her scrubs comes from the bullet lodged in her waist, just below her ribs, missing vital organs. Matt has the skills to apply pressure so that Tara can finish Kyle's sutures and hopefully find a way out of this. In a strange turn, Louisa and Salazar allow for their weapons to drop heavily to the floor, the weight of almost killing someone weighing on Louisa. "I can't do this Hector. Not anymore. I can't be a part of this life. Look what I've done!"

"It don't matter now. Are asses are only ending up in one place. And if Alvarez finds out about this, I'll barley make it to my cell alive!" His voice rises in anger, startling Louisa but the conversation ends there.

Tara's pressure begins to drop, blood running down her scrubs and dripping on the floor. She's almost done, just a few more to go. Tara has to make it long enough to get Kyle off the table before the anesthesia wears off once more. Her hands quake under the rapid loss of blood. She cries out when Matt replaces the gauze and applies greater pressure.

"Sorry." _'Just a few more. Just a- I'm so sleepy, I just want to-'_ Matt gently taps her cheek to wake her up, but she slumps forward and he brings her to the floor. He switches gloves and finishes the last two sutures. "You're all done buddy. I'll get you out of here as soon as I can."

The group hears heavy footsteps; an army of them rushing the OR. Matt sees shadows pass by the windows. The men's boots are thumping against the linoleum, he doesn't make a sound. He just cleans up Kyle and redresses him in a gown and tends to Tara; who's, thankfully still breathing. The doors slam open. Salazar and Louisa are forced up from the floor and taken into custody. They are then violently shoved down the hall towards more cops, all pissed and ready to fight. But Salazar and Louisa are compliant; already knowing this is the end.

As soon as Nikie ran out with the baby, she was flagged down by a cop. She flashed her ID and answered some questions. She searched for Jax and found him, a group of tough looking guys huddled around him. "Excuse me; I think he belongs to you." They turn towards her small voice and Unser can't get his cuffs off fast enough. He crushes Abel to his chest and Nikie drops his bag on the floor. Jax checks Abel over, all his fingers, all his toes, not cuts or bruises.

"What the fuck happened?" She goes into detail about Kyle and the gunmen.

"Why did they let you go?"

"They didn't. I ran. Tara was shot. I went in to help her, but she told me to take Abel and run. So I did." Jax's eyes water and he inhales Abel's scent, hopping it will calm him down, but he smells more like Tara's perfume and he breaks down.

A herd of SWAT officers rush Salazar and his Old Lady out of the hospital, pushing them up against a squad car. A single officer motions for a man in a white coat and they take him back in. Minutes later; Kyle, Matt and Tara are brought out. Kyle and Tara both are being transferred to another hospital.

"Get one of the prospects to drive my bike back to the house. I'm taking the cutlass." He reluctantly hands Gemma, Abel and she heads home.

"Call me if anything happens. I mean it, anything." She gives her son a kiss on the cheek and everyone backs out of their parking spaces and follows the ambulance to the hospital, not far from St. Thomas.

It's easy to list all the things you want to do another day. It's easy to always relay on such a small word as 'tomorrow.' What happens when tomorrow becomes impossible? What happens when tomorrow is no longer a given?


	15. Chapter 15: The Light Source in the Dark

AN: Sorry for the late update. I'm having problems with my computer and internet. But I edited and reviewed this chapter. ENJOY!

Chapter 15: The Light Source in the Dark

Darkness lays heavily upon her. Her eyelids are heavy and her body is numb and weightless. She uses all the strength she can muster to open her eyes. There's a fogginess that engulfs her, but she just has to open at least one. The walls are white; the sheets are a faded blue and a bit scratchy. The ambient noise of monitors steadily beeping surround her. A heaviness leans itself on the bed and she has just enough time to look at the blonde mess of hair face down on the bed. She licks her lips to force some kind of noise from her mouth but the darkness weans her back.

Life really has a knack for kicking you while you're down. You watched as an ambulance carted her off to some other hospital. With mind and heart finally in sync; you followed, not wanting to be bothered with Salazar at the moment. You rushed in minutes after her, telling anyone who would listen that she was pregnant; not caring how loud your voice had become, not caring if anyone heard you and whether they empathized with you or not. You just felt helpless, alone.

Now, you sit with her hand in yours, stroking the soft skin of her fingers. Not even noticing how incredibly uncomfortable the chair your sitting in is. Because, all you're focused on is Tara. Wanting so desperately to have her awake and alert. Laughing, smiling, arguing, anything that meant she was ok. You beg whom ever will hear you that she needs to be ok, they **both** need to hang on. The sedative they used will have her out cold for a few hours; all that can be done is to wait. And hope.

The early hours of morning fast approach, you become listless and increasingly tired. _'I'll lay my head down for just a second.'_ The weight of the day bears down on you and your body relaxes into a light sleep. You miss Tara's brief attentiveness. But no worries, with the new sun, will come a new tomorrow. This time, you're lucky.

Gemma walks into Tara's hospital room. She pauses in the doorway. It smells of bleach, it looks sterile, and the only reason people come here is to die. It's a morbid thought. But for Gemma, this place brings up memories of little Tommy finally succumbing to his coma and drifting off into a different kind of life; the ever after kind. But no, Tara isn't in a coma. _'She's just sedated. The doctor's are giving her time to heal." _She lets the mantra turn over in her head, a kind and constant reminder. She's not sure if it's the aromatic coffee or Abel's soft mumblings that quickly wake Jax from his slumber. In any case, she watches her son stretch the tightened muscles of his neck and rub the kinks out of his lower back.

"Hi, sweetie."

"Mornin' mom." They share a hug and Jax reaches for Abel and sets him on his lap.

"Any changes?"

"Not really. A nurse came in last night and gave her a morphine drip. Now we're all just waiting for the sedative to wear off."

"No news is good news I guess. Did they say anything about the baby?"

"Not directly. The doctor says the bullet didn't hit anything major. It was just lodged in some tissue. But they don't know if the blood loss caused any damage." Abel stares quizzically at Tara, trying to reach his hands out to touch her, but he's too far away. He scoots in his father's lap and tries to reach again; still too far. He fusses, hoping someone will understand his frustration. Luckily Jax does and pushes Abel's body closer to Tara's and he lays his tiny hand on hers. When she doesn't move, he slaps his chubby palm down onto her hand. Her fingers twitch. He giggles and does it again.

A low groan escapes from Tara's throat, if he wasn't watching her so intently, he might have missed it. "Tara?"

"Mhmmm?"

"Mom, can you get a nurse?" But she's already out the door. Minutes later a parade of nurses come barreling in, checking vitals, her pupils, her heart. Anything they can touch they check. Tara starts swatting away the prodding nurses. "Jax?" Her voice sounds like a frog has taken up residence in her throat. She's out-of-sorts trying to find something to stabilize her. "Jax?" The doctor comes in and shoos the circus away. Jax moves to stand by her, Abel playing with his shirt collar, looking quite pleased he woke up Sleeping Beauty. Tara looks up and Jax brushes his lips across hers. "Hi, baby." Before she can respond, the female doctor at the foot of her bed playfully clears her throat.

"Hi, Tara. I'm Dr. Lewis. I was one of the doctors here when they brought you in. Dr. Samson gave you a mild sedative and stitched you up, no permanent damage or surgery was needed. You were very lucky." Words spew from her mouth so fast.

"Umm, thank you." Her voice is still groggy but she keeps her fingers laced with Jax's; the added weight giving her strength. Tara's having a hard time piecing everything together. _'Do I know a Dr. Lewis? Should I know her? Where am I? How did I get here?'_ Questions are swimming around in her head, muffling her hearing.

"Dr. Samson was able to remove the bullet and its casing. He did have to remove some dead tissue, but that was to be expected. We also gave you multiple transfusions, all successful; as well as a morphine drip you can use to self monitor your pain. There's about 75 stitches in place and we gave you a dose of antibiotics in case of infection. I'm just going to check to see if there's any developing infection, but your temperature looks normal so I think you're in the clear." _'Does she ever take a breath?'_

Dr. Lewis carefully pulls back on the tape holding the white bandage securely to Tara's right side. The stitches are positioned right at the indentation of her waist. The wound is on an angle, indicating that the bullet wasn't trained at her, but she was standing in the crossfire, and that was enough. From what Dr. Lewis sees, the wound is clean and the stitched are intact. She redresses the wound and rolls Tara's gown back down. "Everything looks great." She marks off a few things on her chart. "Now, all that's left to do is hear your baby's heartbeat and see if we can get a picture."

"Wait… what?"

"Well, according to your husband, you haven't had an ultrasound, so I figured while you're here, might as well." Dr. Lewis takes her bubbly, bright, fast talking energy with her and leaves the room. Tara is still trying to wrap her thoughts around her foggy brain. _'Salazar, Kyle, Cafeteria, Guns, Kyle, waking up, Abel, Nikie, Abel, bullets, pain, blacking out… Tara, Tara.' _"Tara?" Her head shakes to clear itself and she finds Jax shaking her hand. "Tara? You ok?" He sounds so far away, like she's underwater and he's calling out from the shore.

"What? Oh, yeah. I just, I just thought that with everything that happened there was no way the baby survived."

"So did I. I heard that shot go off and my stomach dropped. I thought the worst. For you and Abel. But when I got here, doctors told me that the bullet had gotten lodged and that it never touched any organs. The blood loss was from the bullet tearing through your skin."

"Where- where am I?"

"St. Mary's." Tara looks up and notices that Jax is still holding Abel; who is looking expectantly at her. Like he's waiting for her to acknowledge that he's the prince that woke Sleeping Beauty up. Carefully, she reaches for him. "Oh, Abel."

"You sure you're able to hold him. I don't want you to pull anything."

"Yeah, I'm good. I'd pull out a thousands stitches just to hold him."

"That's my Old Lady." Abel immediately snuggles into Tara's side. His little mouth stretching into a yawn and his fingers fist the hospital gown she's wearing. A nurse and Dr. Lewis come back. The nurse sets up the ultrasound and leaves just as quietly as she came. Jax goes to pull his seat closer but Tara stops him. She then scoots over on the bed and pats the empty space she and Abel have vacated. "Sit with us." He carefully puts his weight on the bed and wraps an arm around Tara. Abel looks up, between his parents and snuggles his head back down, a little grin replacing another yawn.

"Now, this stuff's going to be cold. I apologize." Even with the warning, Tara still flinches at the coolness of the thick blue gel, Abel giggles at the squirting sound the tube makes. He snuggles in deeper and Tara hisses when his head comes in contact with the bandage but it's short lived; the rapid, swooshing sound coming from the monitor stops everyone. Even Abel looks curiously at the grainy screen. The only thing anyone needs to see is the baby's heart beating. The quick pace is normal, but to Tara and Jax, the fact that it's beating at all is a miracle wrapped up in this sometimes tragic life. Dr. Lewis points out how long the baby is, "At ten weeks it's about an inch long and all his/her organs are growing and…"

In that moment, all the walls come tumbling down; the scene plays out in slow motion. There is no club, no leather cuts, no gun-running, no porn, no hauntings of dead men, no whispers from the grave. Jax has his entire family scooped up in his arms and he allows the biker in him to hibernate for a little while. Someone sniffles and it's not Abel. Tara's eyes are glazed over, tears brimming over her lashes. Dr. Lewis wipes away the gel and leaves a few copies of the ultrasound on the bed. Taking one with her, she quietly backs out of the room and runs right into Gemma. She hands her the black and white photo and smiles. "You're new grandbaby."

"Thanks doc." The blonde haired doctor moves on to her next patient. Glad to be giving out good news all around today.

The couple doesn't know that anyone has left or if anyone has joined them. The relief and the dissipation of adrenaline leave Tara crying into Jax's chest. All either of them can do is hold on to each other. Gemma waits out in the hall for Clay and the rest of the sons', knowing they'd come barreling in at any moment. And, as if on cue, Tig and Clay spot Gemma's pacing form and for a second Clay thinks it's all gone south, but she looks up and smiles. Although it's a tired looking one, it still represents the same thing; everyone's going to be ok. She hands Clay the photo, "That's our second grandbaby." They find some strength in each others arms as the rest of the sons' settle around them. Finally realizing there's going to be an added member to this odd, quirky and often dysfunctional family, soon enough.

With Bobby and Chibs following Tig and Clay, it leaves Juice and Opie to pull up the rear. They all finds seats; unsure if they should wait on Jax or go in and see them.

"So, Mr. VP knocked up his Old Lady? Bout dam time."

"Really Juice? Do you have to put it that way?" Though, Opie can't help the smirk playing around on his face.

"Oh, ok. Would you prefer the term impregnate. Or should I rephrase the sentence all together? Perhaps something like, Jackson and Tara have decided to reproduce an offspring that will be arriving in nine months. Go Jax and Tara. Yay for them." Juice's dry humor breaks any of the tension that was left lingering about and Opie will have to admit, he prefers the knocked up version of his little spiel; it's more Juice's style anyway.

Gemma's about ready to climb the ceiling. Her foot taps the floor beneath her rapidly; her blood pressure is probably through the roof, really not good for her heart, and the nervous fluttering in her stomach is only making matters worse. "This waiting thing is making me want to climb up the fucking wall." Her tone isn't harsh, but Clay still puts his arm around her in an effort to calm her.

"Relax baby, he'll be out when he's ready." She nods and rubs her sweaty palms against the thighs of her jeans.

Not fifteen minutes later, Jax comes out looking a helluva-lot better than he did last night. They slowly stand, there's still the smallest ounce of doubt; something could have gone wrong. "Tara's going to be fine. They're going to keep her overnight and hopefully release her tomorrow morning." There's a collective heavy sigh of relief.

His mother is the first to grab him.

You reluctantly let go of his hand; knowing everyone is crowded together in the waiting room. Hoping for good news, but expecting the worst. You're in good shape considering you were shot less than 24 hours go. The wound is considered to be more of a flesh wound than a critical one, but the loss of blood concerned the ER doctors. Once you started to respond to the transfusions, Dr. Samson was confident that you were no longer critical. That's when Dr. Lewis stepped in. She heard Jax's agonizing plea, but she had to let the ER staff work their magic first. Although she'll never admit this to the couple, she knew the baby was alright long before they were able too. It wasn't by choice that she kept the news, but she figured they'd both want to hear the good news together. She was right. With everyone healthy, a little shaken up, but doing ok, the doctors were able to stitch Tara up and keep her comfortable while the worst of the pain subsided.

You haven't pushed the morphine drip since you came out of your fog. Abel's deep breathing tells you he's far away in dream land. His hefty weight keeping you grounded. He's got the picture of his little brother or sister clutched in his chubby hand and drool occasionally drips from his open mouth. These are the moments worth living for. These are the moments that flashed through you, telling you to hold on while you were slipping under. You held on to images of you and Jax, grey haired and wrinkled sitting somewhere warm, together with kids running around. You saw Abel, no longer a baby, but a man; grown up and having a family of his own. Images of faceless children, ones you assume have yet to be brought into this world. You held on while you slowly slipped under. Stubbornly you held on. And these are the moments that kept you afloat.

Your eyes are dry and puffy. Your cheeks are splotchy and hot from crying. You look a mess, but it doesn't matter. You're alive. You get to live through one more today, and hope for another tomorrow.

Gemma peeks her head in. Tara assumes Jax has told her the good news; on all fronts. "I brought you some stuff I thought you'd need. I have a hairbrush, toothbrush, toothpaste, a clean set of pj's…"

"Thank you Gemma." Tara's voice is barely above a whisper. Gemma stops her checklist and places the bag on the portable table and gently wraps Tara in her arms; careful not to wake a napping Abel.

"A brave thing you did last night. Gave us all a scare, but it was a dam brave thing."

"That little boy needed help. I was the only one left in that hospital that had the power to do something about it. I hoped that if Nikie saw her chance to run, she would."

"And run she did."

"Salazar came for me, not them. With him and Louisa bickering so much, I knew their plan was flawed, I just didn't think I'd get shot to prove it."

"But you're alright? Jax wasn't trying to hide it or anything."

"I'm really ok. A little messy looking, but ok. They just want to keep me here to see how tolerable the pain is and if I develop a delayed infection. Other than that, the overnight stay is really just a precaution."

"Well, I can say, I feel better knowing that you're here for the night. I can fix the messy looking part; I can't fix the wounded part." Tara puts her hand over Gemma's and gives it a good shake.

"You're always good to the people you love Gemma."

"And you've seen what I do to the people I don't." Gemma quirks her eyebrow with that famous attitude of hers and starts digging around Tara's overnight bag. She pulls the hairbrush free and scoots closer to Tara. But she puts her hand up to stop her.

"Actually, I could really use a shower. I smell of Iodine and… pee probably."

"What do'ya need?"

"Can you ask a nurse for plastic wrap?"

"Literally? Plastic wrap?"

"Yeah. I have to keep the bandage dry. She'll come in and put it on."

"Ok." A few seconds later, a petite nurse comes in with… plastic wrap, cuts a small section and tapes it securely over the gauze bandage. She also removes the IV from her arm.

"Do you need any help taking a shower Dr. Knowles?"

"No thank you. And please call me Tara."

"Sure thing. Just give me a buzz when you're done and I'll come in to put the IV back in."

"Thank you Michelle." She smiles, but quickly darts past Gemma. The petite nurse is still afraid of the biker chick.

"Is everyone in this hospital afraid of me?"

"A little." Gemma rushes over to help Tara as she swings her legs over the bed. The two slowly bring Tara to a standing position. That's when Tara's bladder decides to make itself known.

"Oh."

"What?" Gemma can't help the panic rising in her voice.

"Oh, no, nothing's wrong. I just really, really have to pee. Like now." Halfway into the bathroom, Abel wakes up from his nap and Jax comes in to see Gemma caught between helping Tara sit and stopping Abel from falling out of bed.

The sight before him can not be ignored and he laughs but takes up helping Tara to the bathroom so Gemma can keep Abel from cracking his skull. She gets to him just in time. He's figured out that he can pull himself up by the bed rails, just like he can in his crib. "Bahh. Bahh." He laughs at his own unintelligible language and Gemma sits him in her lap.

"You're going to be trouble for your parents aren't you? Touching things, grabbing things. They will have their hands full. Good thing you've got your looks kid." He reaches up to play with her hair and begins to babble. "Gah!"

The water turns on and Jax gently removes Tara's gown. "You can just throw it in the bin. I can put on a new one, or put use the clothes you're mother brought me. And don't get any ideas mister. I'm injured."

"But I'm not." He helps her into the shower and both give each other the slightest of evil eyes. She pulls the shower curtain quickly and gets to scrubbing her self down with the hotel size shampoo and body wash. When she's soaped up and rinsed, he holds out a towel for her and wraps her tightly in it. "Figured out what you'll be wearing?"

"Yea, just bring the whole bag in. I'll change in here."

Jax helps her into her panties, "Well, this is backwards. Shouldn't it be the other way around? I'm supposed to help you **out** of these."

"No funny business Jax." But Tara admits, she may be injured, but she's not dead and just the smell of Jax or the slightest touch turns her on. She has to forego a bra, which just makes Jax snicker even more and she gingerly picks up her right arm to put through the arm hole. Luckily, it's one of Jax's t-shirts so it's slightly baggy and won't rub too much on her bandage. Her worn out, gray sweat pants are next and she already feels ten times better. Her face is clean and splotchy free. Her eyes are back to normal size and the morphine is lasting. She's a pretty happy camper. Once her pants and socks are on, Jax carefully removes the plastic draping and throws it away.

"All done."

"You play a very good nurse Jackson Teller." She gives him a kiss and pulls away before it turns into something she won't want to stop.

"Only for you." He drops the bag in the corner somewhere and helps her back into bed.

Gemma has taken Abel home and left a note that said she'd stay with him for the night. Jax wants to stay, but he's been in the same grimy clothes all night and his stomach is growling something awful. "Do you need anything? I'm going to go home and change and I'll be back in a little while."

"I could use something to eat. And shoes, my other ones were thrown out."

"Ok, I'll come back with dinner and a pair of shoes." He gives her one last kiss, maybe two and leaves. Tara rests her eyes just for a second. She's tired, but not ready for sleep. The TV is humming quietly and she can use a few minutes to herself.

Michele comes in and quietly tip-toes, thinking that Tara's eyes are closed in sleep. She tapes the IV in place and writes a few things on Tara's chart and starts to walk away.

"Thank you Michele." She jumps.

"You scared me Dr., um, Tara."

"I know."

"Well, since you're awake, you have a few visitors. Non-family. I can bring them in if you don't mind." Tara sits up and stares at the wide eyes peeking around the door.

"Hi. Dr. Tara." Kyle's voice is tentative. He didn't want to disturb her. His mom wheels his chair further into the room.

"Hi Kyle. Come in." She waves them both closer.

"Mom, this is Dr. Tara. Dr. Tara, this is my mom." The raven haired woman extends her hand,

"It's a pleasure to meet you Dr. Knowles. I'm Maggie Adams. I've heard quite a lot about you from Kyle." Her voice is soft and gentle. "Thank you for saving his life. He's all that I have left." She runs a hand through her son's hair, brushing the curls away from his eyes. A look of guilt passes over her face, but it goes as quickly as it came.

"He was a brave little boy for sticking with me. He never got scared. It took a lot of strength to do what you did Kyle. I'm proud of you."

"Thank you Dr. Tara. I wanted to come by and see if you were ok. And to tell you that I'm glad it was you that came to help me. I'll remember you forever. You're my second hero."

"Oh, Kyle. You're my hero too. I don't think there is anyone else in this world that could have gotten through that surgery the way it happened." They awkwardly embrace, given their injuries and Michelle brings him back to his room, his mother stays behind for a few minutes.

"Thank you. Really. If you hadn't been there, I don't know what would have happened to him."

"You said that he was all you had left?"

"His father died a few months ago. He was a solider in Iraq. Not a day goes by that Kyle doesn't talk about him. I know he wants to see his father again, but I'm not ready to let him go. I fear that if he had been left alone, this would be a very different kind of day for me."

"Then I believe it was fate. I believe your husband had a hand in keeping your son safe."

"I believe that too." The two woman embrace.

There's always a light at the end of a long dark tunnel. It just takes some digging to find it.


End file.
